Episode Transcript
[00:00:31] Speaker A: Welcome to Carrots and suffering a DND odyssey. My name is Nate, and I am your dungeon master today. It is time for the end of season three, the end of book three, the halfway point of Campaign two. Don't worry, we will be back. We've already recorded about six episodes into book four, so I just need to edit them. Enjoy your holiday, and we will see you in the new year. Sure. We're going to skip the recap today, because, frankly, it's boss fight time. And let's get right into it. Our heroes have pinned the dragon in.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: The doors of the lock roll initiative.
[00:01:01] Speaker A: And let's get into it.
I am Nate, and I will be your dungeon master for this. Let's hope not. TPK.
[00:01:18] Speaker C: I am Mandy. I will be playing Boulain, the grave domain death cleric who might be going to her own God.
[00:01:24] Speaker D: Hi, I'm Claire, and I play Creedin, and I am both dragon ass because I'm exhausted and I'm going to beat this dragon ass.
[00:01:35] Speaker E: Hi, I'm Robert. I play Xeris, and I'm clearly not going to die today.
[00:01:40] Speaker C: Clearly. Clearly you're going to watch everyone you love die.
[00:01:44] Speaker A: I mean, Xeris might, but Robert's sticking around.
[00:01:48] Speaker E: Yeah, strike that. Reverse it.
[00:01:50] Speaker D: Look, Nate, I just got to tell you, none of us would have narratively satisfying deaths in this fight. So you can't let it happen.
[00:01:55] Speaker C: You can't let it happen. It'll just be.
[00:01:57] Speaker D: Those are the rules.
Something about storytelling or something.
[00:02:02] Speaker C: Yeah, it just isn't fun.
[00:02:04] Speaker A: Through the power of editing, I can make it narratively satisfying.
You've been warned.
[00:02:11] Speaker D: We'll figure out a flashback that makes.
[00:02:12] Speaker C: This fit narratively satisfying but wholly dishonest.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: So I would like to quickly describe our combat scenario here. You opened the lock channel just enough to cause water to begin spilling out, slamming the dragon headfirst into the opening, and then closed the lock on his neck, throwing glue down on his neck. Sovereign magic glue. Essentially locking this dragon where it currently stands.
[00:02:45] Speaker D: Swims.
[00:02:46] Speaker A: Swims. Sort of. Honestly, it's not even able to swim right this second.
[00:02:50] Speaker C: So am I remembering correctly? He came in, and we got the darkness cast, and he tried to turn around. So he's actually facing back out of the lock. Like, his head is actually outside the lock. Right.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: His head is jammed to the opposite side of the lock that you are. He didn't even succeed at getting turned around. So at this point, his butt, tail, wings, and one of his arms is flailing back in the direction of Zerus, who's behind him in the water. And one of his arms and his head is sticking out the front, pointed at no one.
[00:03:22] Speaker C: But his head is not in the darkness spell. Right? We established that.
[00:03:25] Speaker A: No, it is not. Boulain and Creedon, you are both on the lock wall itself. Creden, you had to be there in order to pour the sovereign glue down. And, Boulain, you use the superior ground to shoot Xeris with a darkness arrow.
[00:03:39] Speaker C: For one point of damage. That was a lovely rule.
[00:03:42] Speaker A: Meanwhile, off the wall, pushing on the mechanism, trying to hold the dragon in place, is Max on one side and chom on the other. And then poised with crossbows, staring into this dark orb. On the banks of the lock are Grey street dread and several lock operators. Xeris is currently the only one in the water.
[00:04:08] Speaker C: I thought somebody. No. Val went in the water with him, didn't he?
[00:04:11] Speaker A: Oh, that's right. Val is also in the water. I forgot about Val.
[00:04:14] Speaker D: We have dragon slaying master over here as a duck.
Isn't he a duck?
[00:04:20] Speaker E: Yeah, I'm a duck.
[00:04:22] Speaker C: You're a duck. What is Val? Val actually turned into something really useful. Right.
[00:04:26] Speaker D: I'm a sexy fish.
[00:04:28] Speaker C: Oh, we got him. Look at him. We got him. He forgot this detail.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: No, I mean, I remembered some of you had used some suspect potions.
[00:04:37] Speaker C: Oh, wait. Creden turned into a water elf, right? Or something like that?
[00:04:42] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm like a very buxom water elf right now. Or some kind of. I can breathe underwater a night. Do I have a bonus to swim or something as well?
[00:04:50] Speaker E: If only we had a record.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: You have a swim speed, and you can breathe underwater all right?
[00:04:56] Speaker D: And I got big titties.
[00:04:59] Speaker C: That's important. They give you buoyancy. Buoyancy in the water.
[00:05:03] Speaker D: Kaden doesn't know how to feel about it and is trying to stay focused on the dragon.
[00:05:11] Speaker A: Before we do anything else, let's just roll initiative right now.
[00:05:14] Speaker D: We don't need to do that.
[00:05:15] Speaker C: This isn't a fight. He's already stuck. Right?
[00:05:17] Speaker E: Oh, sweet.
[00:05:18] Speaker C: All right, well, that's a seven.
[00:05:21] Speaker E: I think that's just a straight 18.
[00:05:23] Speaker D: Do I still have advantage on anybody beat an 18.
[00:05:27] Speaker C: Hang on.
[00:05:28] Speaker D: I was double checking that. I still have advantage on initiative. Oh, my God. I rolled two of the same number.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: Were they both?
[00:05:32] Speaker D: I did not beat that. Wait, I add seven to it. I got a 16 then.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: All right, Zerus, plunged into darkness. In front of you is a dragon's tushy. What would you like to do about that?
[00:05:45] Speaker C: Dragon's butt is a very dark place.
[00:05:47] Speaker E: I love that you have asked this question. I would like to rage and then stabulate this dragon pretty hard.
[00:05:54] Speaker D: Stabulate.
[00:05:55] Speaker C: Stabulate.
[00:05:56] Speaker E: Yes, it is. Yeah, stabulate.
[00:05:59] Speaker C: It's very calculated. Calculated stabbing.
[00:06:02] Speaker E: I would like to use my rage ability and then hack and slash of the dragons Tukus, as you pointed out, until it is nothing more than a bloody mess. How about that? Is that better?
[00:06:13] Speaker C: Took us.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: Give it a shot. Roll some dice. Let's see what happens.
[00:06:16] Speaker D: Spank him, duck boy.
[00:06:22] Speaker E: I don't know what's wrong with took us.
[00:06:23] Speaker C: Nothing's wrong with took him.
Took us.
Just give him a little nice boop right in the booty. Booty. Boop.
[00:06:32] Speaker E: A boop in the boot.
[00:06:33] Speaker C: Boop in the boot.
[00:06:34] Speaker E: All right. I rage so I can't curse. I will curse. Next turn, I'm attacking recklessly. I've rolled the 20.
[00:06:44] Speaker C: Okay, you only need to do that 18 more times.
[00:06:47] Speaker E: Well, let's see if that's even the case. Okay, so I have fire and I have radiant.
[00:06:55] Speaker A: Okay, so your fire damage will not work underwater. Oh, no.
[00:07:01] Speaker E: That's a lot worse.
[00:07:02] Speaker D: That does make sense.
[00:07:03] Speaker A: But your bonus damage against dragons remains fully functional.
[00:07:08] Speaker E: Okay, I'm going to reroll the bonus damage against dragons because I roll that and the fire damage together.
So the first half is 18, and I'm going to roll damage again. Critted 18 plus 20. So that crit is 38 points of damage.
[00:07:26] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:07:27] Speaker E: And then the next attack again, where we are reckless. But I don't get the radiant damage. I'll take that guy out. I got a 17.
[00:07:37] Speaker A: A 17 to hit does not get through this dragon's armor.
[00:07:41] Speaker E: Well, that's what I get for rolling two tens. Okay, I am done.
[00:07:44] Speaker C: God, this is going to be hard.
[00:07:46] Speaker A: So the dragon is panicking, as one might in this situation when you're pinned.
[00:07:51] Speaker C: And somebody hits you in the.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Yeah, its wings just start beating drastically. I need a dexterity saving throw from Boulain and Creed. No. Up on the lock wall.
[00:08:08] Speaker D: Oh, God. And with exhaustion. Don't we get disadvantage on that?
[00:08:12] Speaker C: I rolled a one.
[00:08:13] Speaker D: Oh, boy. I got a five. Hey.
Okay, seven total, though. But if I need to roll with disadvantage, then it could be worse.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: Well, that's okay. It doesn't need to be worse. That's a failure. So these two wings just slap the sides of the lock wall, just beating furiously to try to pull this dragon away. It is absolutely ineffective at pulling the dragon from the lock. It does, however, throw Boulain and Creedon forward into the front of the dragon's mouth region and into the water. Boulain and Creedon, you are now swimming.
[00:08:51] Speaker C: Boulain just lets the darkness go. By the way, when this happens, that'll be helpful. Yes.
[00:08:56] Speaker A: Creedon, you're up.
[00:08:58] Speaker D: Dang it. I wanted to cast haste on Xeris, but it's concentration and I don't know.
[00:09:03] Speaker C: If that's smart and we might need it for ourselves.
[00:09:07] Speaker D: Yeah. And it's underwater.
[00:09:10] Speaker A: So at this point you are in a lower level of water than the dragon is in. And so what you can see from where Blue Lane and Creedon is is the head and the front arm of this dragon jammed at a very painful looking angle, just ragingly upset about 10ft above your head.
[00:09:29] Speaker D: Okay. Oh, so it's above me.
[00:09:31] Speaker A: You are looking up to see it at this juncture.
[00:09:33] Speaker D: Okay. Sorry, I'm struggling to follow the layout.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: Yeah, basically there's a dam wall in front of you and the hole in it is full of dragon.
[00:09:42] Speaker D: I'm guessing that there's no easy way to get back up without the ability to fly. Is that correct?
[00:09:48] Speaker A: There are some ladders that have been built into the side of the lock system, but you would have to swim over there and then climb up.
[00:09:56] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:09:57] Speaker D: And what would the options be? Is it possible to swim under the dragon to get on the other side.
[00:10:02] Speaker C: With Xeris, you'd have to get through the door.
[00:10:04] Speaker D: Well, the dragon would be holding open the door enough for a person.
[00:10:07] Speaker A: There is roughly 12,000 pounds of water pressure pouring around the dragon, which is actually what is holding him there. I mean, plus some glue.
[00:10:20] Speaker E: See, and this is the problem with the DM doing the research for the scenario.
[00:10:27] Speaker A: I don't believe there's any swim check you're going to make to get to the other side.
[00:10:30] Speaker C: No, I'm just saying 12,000 pounds of water is on our side right now.
[00:10:37] Speaker A: It's helping you.
[00:10:38] Speaker C: That is helping us. That is something we need.
[00:10:40] Speaker A: Try to swim upstream, though. It's working against you.
[00:10:45] Speaker D: Yeah. Okay.
[00:10:46] Speaker A: They need to build a salmon ladder for aquatic elves.
[00:10:54] Speaker D: Okay. Oh, the things I want to do require concentration or would require not being underwater.
[00:10:59] Speaker C: Shoot. What do I want to do?
[00:11:01] Speaker D: I'm going to cast invisibility on myself and then try to climb a ladder to get back up.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: I think that's a great move. So because you have a swim speed, you get to the ladder almost immediately and can start climbing up. Climbing up is at half speed. So you are currently on a ladder out of the water. So one hand is holding the ladder and that moves you to the far bank of the river and up the wall a little ways. That is going to bring us to another legendary action from our dragon. It's not loving this. The wing beating didn't seem to free it up at all. Even though it did do 13 damage to the wall. For whatever good that was going to do, it whips its tail around trying to hit whatever is smacking it in the butt.
Serious? I'm not going to give it advantage. It is snapping at you blind. But the tail manages to. Yeah. 27 to hit is going to hit you.
[00:11:56] Speaker E: You got me?
[00:11:57] Speaker A: Yes. Kindly take 15 damage. You may take half of that because you're raging.
[00:12:02] Speaker E: Okay. I also have a thing that happens with that. 15 halved. I'm sorry. Do we round up or down? I forgot.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: Round in your favor.
[00:12:08] Speaker E: Okay, so I'll take seven. That will drop the shield and the armor of Agathas deals five points of cold damage back.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Okay. The dragon has no cold immunity and the water does not stop the cold damage. Chunks of ice float up around you and the dragon's tail is in fact a little chilly.
[00:12:31] Speaker E: Take that scratch.
[00:12:33] Speaker A: That. Is going to bring us to the dragon's actual turn. So the dragon has Boulain in its crosshairs. I'm going to roll it a saving throw to stop panicking. Okay. It does actually stop.
[00:12:47] Speaker C: No, no, no. It should keep panicking. Keep panicking. You're stuck man. You're like. You're stuck. Fuck.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: It has one target and one target only. And that target is Boulain. That it can see with its eyeballs. Sorry Boulain, but it is going to try to be smirt instead because it's not panicking. It isn't going to melt Boulain with acid. It's instead going to try to get free of the dam.
[00:13:14] Speaker C: Crap.
[00:13:14] Speaker D: I should have cast this at third level and made you invisible too. I forgot I could do that.
[00:13:17] Speaker C: You could do it from the ladder?
[00:13:18] Speaker D: Yeah, but then I have to use another spell slot and then I think it would override my own invisible.
[00:13:22] Speaker E: Yeah, because you can't concentrate on it.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: The dragon wedges its one claw up, pulls its hind body down up to the dam and starts trying to push itself backwards. This does not work for two reasons. One, its head is glued to the wall and 210 thousand pounds of pressure plus is a lot even for a 5000 pound dragon. And so even though it Nat 20 that roll, it doesn't lift itself off the Wall. But it is going to do a shit ton of damage to the Wall. No as it pulls apart, I'm going to go ahead and do 26 damage to the Wall.
[00:13:58] Speaker D: Only we're allowed to get Nat 20s. Those are the rules.
[00:14:03] Speaker A: In its attempt to push. You see the magically infused stone that makes these two closing pinchers just start to spider and crack apart. But the dragon is still stuck currently, and that is going to bring us to Boulain.
[00:14:18] Speaker C: Boulain is going to beat it for the latter or two. And I know she's going to be slower, but can she cast a spell while she's in the water?
[00:14:24] Speaker A: You can, yes, as long as you're able to swim.
[00:14:27] Speaker C: What are dragons charismas like? Do they have high charisma?
[00:14:31] Speaker A: Every stat on a dragon is high.
[00:14:32] Speaker C: Every stat on a dragon is high. All riGht, she is going to cast Bane on him.
[00:14:40] Speaker A: He super duper makes that save, does he?
[00:14:44] Speaker C: Fuck. All right. But then she's going to get the fuck away from him.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: Okay, give me an athletics check.
[00:14:53] Speaker C: Can't I do acrobatics for swimming? I feel like swimming is a grace sport.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: Sure, yeah, no athletics, please.
[00:15:02] Speaker C: Oh, well, that's okay.
[00:15:04] Speaker D: I'm happy that I took that potion.
[00:15:06] Speaker C: That's a 14.
[00:15:07] Speaker A: A 14. Okay, so the water is pouring out of this thing and it's pushing you downstream, but also toward the wall. And so a 14 is good enough that you don't dunk yourself underwater. You arrive at the wall, you are not yet climbing up of it, so you are still wet.
[00:15:24] Speaker C: Still in his line of view, though.
[00:15:26] Speaker A: Oh, yes. The dragon uses a legendary action to again try to. He thinks maybe his tail whip could have worked. Maybe the tail whip is enough to keep Cirrus away. He's going to wing beat the walls of the lock for 13 damage. The lock has now taken 57 damage. It is devastatingly visible, the NPCs so clear that the wall is holding. Max and Chom scale up large ladders in order to get onto the lock itself and are prepared to run and essentially crush this thing. Next round, Chom has an action surge, so he will double move and then leap directly onto the dragon's back, granting him three attacks, four attacks.
[00:16:16] Speaker D: It's impossible for me to yell at Chom not to get too close to the head. I got plans.
[00:16:20] Speaker A: I mean, you can yell at him to do that, but he's definitely on the dragon's back, stabbing at it repeatedly.
[00:16:26] Speaker D: Yeah, I got plans. So I'm going to just be like, not to the head.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: Keep the head, not to the head. Okay. Chom, where is his chem? The chum? Chom chum. The chum. All right. With a remarkable 1234 successful hits.
[00:16:47] Speaker D: Oh, man, he's really growing on me so much.
[00:16:50] Speaker C: He's certainly useful.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: He does an equally remarkable 37 damage.
[00:16:56] Speaker D: But also, if anybody dies, it can be him.
[00:16:59] Speaker A: All right. Max is still trying to get there. A volley of crossbow bolts fire off. Oh, gosh, I hope they don't throw any ones. They don't. But only two of them succeed in connecting. Melbourne Gray street hits for eight damage and dread hits for 20 damage. And that brings us to the top of the round, Zerus.
[00:17:21] Speaker E: All right, we're going to do the same thing again. Barbarian hit stuff.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: I forgot one thing. Valrictus.
[00:17:27] Speaker D: Yeah, he's important.
[00:17:28] Speaker C: He's important. Give him a turn.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Valrictus crits.
[00:17:32] Speaker C: Yes, more of that.
[00:17:34] Speaker A: You gave him a great axe. Radiant energy rolls through his great axe because he's going to smite.
[00:17:41] Speaker D: Do it.
[00:17:41] Speaker A: And Valerictus does 35 damage. Oh, whoops. Hold on. Got to double the smite.
[00:17:46] Speaker D: That's right.
[00:17:47] Speaker A: Valerictus does 45 damage.
[00:17:49] Speaker D: Our NPCs are showing us up except for Xeris.
[00:17:52] Speaker A: Okay, now, Zeros.
[00:17:54] Speaker E: All right, we have 20 to hit. That'll hit with 22 points of damage.
[00:18:00] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:18:01] Speaker E: And again, recklessly, of course. That's a natural 20 to hit. Okay, so the second crit. The damage on this is super low at the moment.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: Twelve.
[00:18:11] Speaker E: But luckily, I get to roll again. 33 points of damage for the second hit.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: So the first one did how much.
[00:18:17] Speaker E: Again, I love that you've asked this question.
So my second attack was 33. The first attack was 20. Let's call it 20.
[00:18:25] Speaker A: It was a little over 20, but okay, excellent. You are wrecking the backside of this dragon. There is all kinds of weird looking dragon blood all over the dragon's legendary action. It is going to crack loose from the dam.
[00:18:40] Speaker C: No, too soon.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: Too soon. Beating its wings against the side, it manages to rip a full piece of the concrete off. It is left with a glued on border collar ripped around its neck.
[00:18:56] Speaker D: I thought that we would have more rounds than that.
[00:18:58] Speaker C: We had one round. We only got one round. I mean, come on.
[00:19:02] Speaker D: That was Jit.
[00:19:04] Speaker A: And it falls into the water. Zero. I needed an athletics check.
[00:19:11] Speaker E: I was going to ask, do I get an attack of opportunity? But now you're asking for athletics checks. And this is not what I expected.
25.
[00:19:18] Speaker A: Okay. Awesome. A massive waterfall deluge pours from the upper rung of this down into the lower rung of this. You are essentially hurled through this hole in the dam with a 25. I'm going to give you two choices. You may grab the dam. Remaining at the higher level and not falling onto the dragon. You may fall purposefully onto the dragon.
[00:19:46] Speaker C: It's just got a thumbs up.
[00:19:49] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:19:49] Speaker C: From Robert.
[00:19:50] Speaker E: I am falling purposely on top of the dragon.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: All right. You just tumble off the edge. Landing on the dragon. Both you and the dragon take six. Damage from falling.
[00:20:03] Speaker E: So I'll take three?
[00:20:04] Speaker A: Yep, you can take three. Valrictus also falls onto the dragon. You're both on the dragon's back right now. Val takes four and hits him for four. And the water continues to pour. The archers do not have a good angle anymore, FYI. And that's going to bring us to Creedon.
[00:20:21] Speaker D: All right. Well, now that he's free, my plan A is canceled. I think investing in Xeris is a good plan. I can see Xeros, correct?
[00:20:30] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:20:31] Speaker D: Is he within 30ft of me or wait, I'm like partially climbing up and I think he was on the other side. Can I finish climbing up the dam this turn and then see Xeris?
[00:20:39] Speaker A: Yeah, you can. As part of your move, you can climb all the way to the top.
[00:20:43] Speaker D: Okay. I want to cast haste on Xeris.
[00:20:45] Speaker A: Okay, tell us what that does.
[00:20:47] Speaker D: That is going to be very good for this, I think. Until the spell ends, your speed is doubled. You get a plus two bonus to AC. You have advantage on dexterity saving throws and you gain an additional action on each of your turns. The additional action can only be used to take the attack dash, disengage, hide, or use object action.
[00:21:07] Speaker E: Love it. Thank you.
[00:21:08] Speaker D: When the spell ends, the target can't move or take actions until its next turn as a wave of lethargy sleeps over it. So I'm going to try very hard to maintain concentration. This is probably a full action kind of thing. Is it possible to tie myself to something so that I don't get blown off of this again as a bonus action?
[00:21:25] Speaker A: No, no. I think that's a little bit more than a bonus action. But you can get a rope out.
[00:21:29] Speaker D: I'll go ahead and get a rope out.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: Okay. Excellent. At the end of Creedon's turn, the dragon is going to beat its wings furiously to get you off of its back. Zerus and Val, I need a dexterity saving throw.
[00:21:43] Speaker E: Dexterity? So not an athletics check and dexterity saving throw. Did I hear I have advantage on tHat?
[00:21:48] Speaker D: You have advantage on dexterity saving throws?
[00:21:50] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:21:51] Speaker E: I love it. The advantage is really going to help here because that's what I need.
[00:21:55] Speaker D: And also I'm not invisible anymore. Because I am now concentrating on haste and.
[00:22:01] Speaker E: No. Those are two nines.
[00:22:02] Speaker D: No. How could you? I also rolled two nines earlier today. That's crazy.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: Zeros. That is 13 bludgeoning damage. As the dragon lifts out of the water, it is still protected from the archers by the height of the dam. But it is not swimming anymore. And you fall back into the water. Okay, got it? Valriktis is still on his back, and that's going to bring us to the dragon's turn. Okay.
[00:22:26] Speaker C: He's now distracted with other people on him, and he doesn't care about Boulain anymore.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: The dragon is going to do two things at once. He is going to spin in a circle while flying.
[00:22:38] Speaker D: Nope.
[00:22:39] Speaker A: Which we will now roll. An opposed check. Valrytus is hurled into the water downstream. And then he's gonna take a deep breath and let out a horrific stream of acid. The real question is, who's pissed him off? The most good news, it's not Boulain.
[00:22:57] Speaker D: It's not me, either.
[00:22:58] Speaker C: I mean, all I did was fall in the water and swim away. I mean, come on.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: And it's not Creedon. I think it's Zerus. Honestly, I don't think there's anybody else.
[00:23:06] Speaker E: It's probably Zerus.
[00:23:07] Speaker C: Oh, shit.
[00:23:08] Speaker D: I don't know. Val's been pretty bad. And so is chum. They're canon. Fine.
[00:23:12] Speaker C: Val is expendable. Val is the most expendable person.
[00:23:16] Speaker D: He's so expendable.
[00:23:17] Speaker C: With a red shirt.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: Oh, you want the bad news?
[00:23:20] Speaker E: What you got?
[00:23:21] Speaker A: The bad news is, because of the way the water is flowing, he can hit two people, and the other one's going to be Val.
[00:23:27] Speaker C: That's okay.
[00:23:29] Speaker D: Acid can't. It'll get so diluted in the water, it won't do anything.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll see how that works out.
A beaming stream of acid roars 60ft out of this dragon's mouth, raging down the length of the river and pouring acid onto you. Zerus and Valryptus Chom, by the way, disappeared in the chaos of the.
[00:23:51] Speaker C: No. We need him.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: No one knows where he is.
[00:23:53] Speaker D: We need him.
[00:23:54] Speaker C: Oh, he.
[00:23:55] Speaker A: Nat won his swim. Check.
[00:23:57] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:23:58] Speaker C: You and me both.
[00:23:59] Speaker D: Chom Chom is becoming chum.
[00:24:01] Speaker C: Why didn't Nat won the swim? Check the deck save?
[00:24:05] Speaker A: Yeah, he's a missing.
[00:24:07] Speaker E: He's missing in action.
[00:24:09] Speaker C: This was a terrible idea. Whose idea was this?
[00:24:12] Speaker E: So do I need to do a dexterity save or something?
[00:24:14] Speaker A: Yep, this is going to be a dexterity saving throw. Please.
[00:24:17] Speaker D: If only we weren't so exhausted. We might be doing better.
[00:24:22] Speaker A: All right.
[00:24:22] Speaker E: Dexterity saving throw says. Okay, that's a 13.
[00:24:26] Speaker D: With advantage, right?
[00:24:27] Speaker E: Yes, with advantage.
[00:24:28] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:24:28] Speaker D: Oh, wow.
[00:24:29] Speaker A: Okay, that is going to be 54 acid damage.
[00:24:33] Speaker D: That advantage is doing nothing.
[00:24:35] Speaker E: I will use my reaction to make it half and take instead. 27.
[00:24:40] Speaker A: Excellent.
[00:24:41] Speaker C: Are you still alive?
[00:24:42] Speaker E: Yeah. 54 would have killed me. But 27 means I have 18 hit points left.
[00:24:46] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[00:24:48] Speaker A: Fun.
[00:24:49] Speaker D: And I like that.
[00:24:52] Speaker C: Shut up.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: Hey, it's not so bad.
[00:24:57] Speaker D: I just tasted you.
[00:24:58] Speaker A: You cannot die now, Boulain.
[00:25:01] Speaker C: Okay. Boulain is going to do a couple of things.
[00:25:04] Speaker D: Cry.
[00:25:04] Speaker C: She has made it to the ladder, right?
[00:25:06] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:07] Speaker C: Okay. So she is going to use her channel divinity path to the grave to curse Bison, so that the next time somebody hits him, it gets the full. He has vulnerability to all of that attacks, damage.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:25:21] Speaker C: Oh, gosh.
[00:25:22] Speaker D: Is that going to be the archers, though?
[00:25:23] Speaker C: And I have a note here. Times two damage. And I think that's something that you said to me once, but I'm not sure. Okay.
[00:25:28] Speaker E: That's what vulnerability does.
[00:25:29] Speaker A: What it does.
[00:25:30] Speaker C: All right. And then I can see Zuris, right?
[00:25:32] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:33] Speaker C: As a bonus action, I will cast healing word on him for nine head points.
[00:25:38] Speaker E: All right, I'll take it.
[00:25:39] Speaker C: And then she will be climbing up that ladder. Actually. Is that a good idea at this point? He's above us, right? He's in the air.
[00:25:44] Speaker E: Yeah. I don't know how high he is.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: He is. Even with you. If you climb up the ladder, he's about 10ft above the water, using the dam itself as.
[00:25:54] Speaker D: Yeah, but being in the water is dangerous if you don't have a spin speed.
[00:25:58] Speaker C: Okay, here's my question. Nate, on layout, because I know we're trying to imagine this. There's a ladder to get back up on the wall of the dam. What else is there? There's the water, which I don't really want to be in.
[00:26:09] Speaker D: Is it like a shore?
[00:26:10] Speaker C: Where's the shore? Is there any cover from the shore? Is there another option?
[00:26:13] Speaker A: Here you are in a large stone box climbing up a ladder to get out of it.
[00:26:19] Speaker C: Okay. She will climb up that ladder.
[00:26:21] Speaker D: Don't want to be in the box.
[00:26:22] Speaker A: You have reached the top of the stone box. You did your healing word. Was there anything else you wanted to do?
[00:26:27] Speaker C: Well, if there's a place to run for cover, she will run for cover.
[00:26:30] Speaker A: Okay. You can roll over the lip of the top of that onto the ground.
[00:26:34] Speaker C: Yep. That's what she will do.
[00:26:36] Speaker A: Okay. That is going to bring us to the dragon's third legendary action, Val is downstream and out of the way. And that leaves us with only a tail attack. The dragon will instead dive into the.
[00:26:51] Speaker D: Water.
[00:26:55] Speaker A: Disappearing below the surface.
[00:26:57] Speaker C: It has been a pleasure to work with you, Zorus.
[00:27:01] Speaker E: It's right where I want it, Zerus.
[00:27:02] Speaker A: I need another dexterity saving throw. Oh, shit.
[00:27:05] Speaker E: Never mind.
[00:27:05] Speaker C: Hold on. Okay.
[00:27:06] Speaker D: But this time with feeling. This time it's going to go well. That advantage can't be for nothing.
[00:27:11] Speaker E: 16.
[00:27:12] Speaker A: Yes, 16. That is not quite good enough. But it's still. Holy bludgeoning damage as it slams into you, leaving you spinning in the water as it dives below you.
[00:27:26] Speaker E: That's okay.
[00:27:27] Speaker A: You'll take half of that.
[00:27:28] Speaker E: Yeah, I did.
[00:27:29] Speaker A: I took seven for being very, very angry. And with that, the NPCs go. Max does a gainer off the top, chasing the dragon.
[00:27:38] Speaker D: Hell, yeah, Max.
[00:27:39] Speaker A: He is reckless, raging. Only one of those is going to connect with anything, though. Despite rolling a lot of dice, Max smacks him for twice for 25.
[00:27:51] Speaker C: Do you double that to 50?
[00:27:53] Speaker A: And he doubles that to 50?
[00:27:55] Speaker C: I could do that again.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: A huge bubbling of goo comes rising up where Max connects with this thing, but there still seems to be some thrashing and Max is underwater. He's going to roll a athletics check. He does not blow downstream immediately. Meanwhile, the archers reposition to try to get any kind of shot at this thing. Chom is lost to the abyss, doesn't surface.
[00:28:24] Speaker D: Oh, no, we cannot see Chom.
[00:28:26] Speaker A: No bows. That is going to bring us to Xeris.
[00:28:31] Speaker E: All right. Can I reach the dragon?
[00:28:33] Speaker A: Give me an athletics roll. The DC. I'm going to set it before you roll. Is going to be 15. You do have a swim speed, so you don't have any kind of disadvantage or anything. But you are in a waterfall and.
[00:28:43] Speaker D: Your movement is doubled.
[00:28:45] Speaker E: And my movement speed is doubled.
[00:28:47] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:28:47] Speaker A: Ooh.
[00:28:48] Speaker D: Also, don't forget your plus two to AC.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: I will give you advantage because of the haste.
[00:28:52] Speaker E: Yeah, I already have advantage because of the anger.
[00:28:55] Speaker C: Double advantage. Roll three dice.
[00:28:57] Speaker E: Yeah, I rolled the 17 for letting. That's going to be 23.
[00:29:00] Speaker A: Okay. You are able to close the distance to the dragon. And this skull shaped head of dark reptilian scales pulls up. Right. Even with your face.
[00:29:14] Speaker E: That's great. I'm going to let him see. No, dig. Before I chop at him. Is it three or four times with haste.
[00:29:20] Speaker D: Basically, you get an additional action. So I don't know how your action economy is.
[00:29:24] Speaker E: For barbarian, it's two attacks per.
[00:29:27] Speaker A: There is a whisper in your mind, zerus, as you go to make your three attacks. The first one says, the brain or the heart, please. I'd love to take this.
[00:29:40] Speaker E: Second one.
[00:29:42] Speaker A: Well, no, that was all you said.
[00:29:46] Speaker E: The first one, I'm like, okay.
[00:29:47] Speaker A: The second one, I guess, is your inner conscience, which is like, I don't know what this guy wants, I guess.
[00:29:52] Speaker E: No, we're doing this. Okay, hold on.
[00:29:54] Speaker C: I thought both dragons were going to be whispering in your head there for a second. I was like, this is going to get interesting.
[00:29:58] Speaker D: One's like, take the heart. The other's like, no, take.
[00:30:02] Speaker C: No, take the shit. Talking endures'brain. Totally incapacitates him, because that's how this day is going.
[00:30:09] Speaker E: Okay, so it is four attacks.
[00:30:11] Speaker A: Okay, let's see it.
[00:30:12] Speaker E: It is four attacks. Okay, here we go. And. Yeah, we'll go ahead and we'll focus all these on the head. I'm enraged. I'm emboldened by no dig. So I will do what it's asking.
[00:30:22] Speaker D: I'm very excited about this new spell of mine.
[00:30:24] Speaker E: He's been nothing but helpful to me so far. All right, Number one. Number one is a 17, which brings us up to a 24. Oh, I'm going to curse first. Sorry, I forgot that.
[00:30:35] Speaker A: That's fine. Order of operations works.
[00:30:37] Speaker E: I'm going to use the Hexblade curse, which means I now crit on, do three extra damage, and I regain four hit points if you die. Okay, so the first one is 24 points of damage. Okay, now I'll drop the Radiant, die, and keep going. Second attack, that is a 14, which will miss. Third attack, that's a 19.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: AC. That exactly hits.
[00:31:00] Speaker E: All right, that is 27 points of damage. The last and final attack scores a 22 to hit. And this is low. 16 points of damage.
[00:31:12] Speaker A: Okay, you slam this glave down on this dragon's head. It goes limp in the water and begins to drift as reddish blood pours out, mixed with this greenish acid in all directions. And then the claw of the dragon reaches up and pulls the glave from its head. And you hear in your mind, thank you. And the dragon turns to swim away.
[00:31:47] Speaker B: Well, apprentices, this is it.
I reach the end of another chapter.
[00:31:54] Speaker A: Of my long life.
[00:31:56] Speaker B: I have given you magic and knowledge, but now I must go. But as I go, I must give you a last bit of wisdom. History and religion are intertwined into such a knot. They will never untwist. But history is only storytelling. The story is written by Victors in an endless struggle of an endless variety.
It is this conversation that gave us magic but also gave us war. It gave us truth in a world where none was to be had. But it led us to fight each other endlessly. The more you learn, the more you will realize that all the creatures of this world. Are too complex to be captured. In any story. In any truth. There was never any truth. Only a great quest for meaning. I taught you where the conversation lies today. I told you it was the truth. But truth is itself just a story with another name. Limited by the perceptions of humanity. And the twists and turns of our wild souls. And the gods are no exception. So I leave you with one last story.
When Sister Truth was born, she created human laws.
Those laws arranged the chaotic masses of humanity into order. Such that the world itself could be tamed. But the Green man cannot ever truly be tamed. And so Sister Truth came to a tumultuous relationship with her grandfather. The Two quarrel endlessly. As if every word they use means something different from God to goddess.
[00:33:45] Speaker A: The other gods began to fret that.
[00:33:47] Speaker B: This struggle would unmake the world someday. An immovable object in Sister truth. Against an unstoppable force in the green man. Life and death, of course, knew no boundaries. But brother ambition sided with Sister truth. Threatening the balance.
Many gods tried to restore peace in the family in their own ways.
The luminous one split her magic evenly between mortal man and the wilds. The radiant one led humanity to preserve the beauty of the world it inhabited.
Divine Hammer would build walls around cities. And then leave paths for the animals and parks for them to live.
Compromises each slowly easing the tension.
But of all, it was the mask who finally found the lasting peace. Between the goddess of civilization and the god of the wilds. The mask, a god of youth and rebellion.
Realized that each creature had the capacity for both nature and law. And in a world set on structure. There is no finer rebellion. Than returning to the wild ways and the ancient wisdoms.
The Mask declared the seas, the skies and the storms. To be the truest form of rebellion.
That they would never be tamed.
So wild would be to see that civilization could never truly touch it.
Even uncompromising Sister truth agreed with this fact.
And enshrined in her sacred laws of man.
The laws of the sea and other wild places. To be followed when her true law fails.
And this contrition to the Green man settled the dispute. And the gods were at ease.
You see, the meaning is created by the story.
From the chaos. This brought even the gods. And their great deeds and great powers to peace.
The story is perhaps not the truth.
But the meaning it created was a truth.
A truth that people and gods could use to preserve their lives in the face of great things and wild places.
I go now into wild places.
And I have left you with a truth.
Do not mistake it for the truth.
Goodbye, apprenticeship.
[00:36:58] Speaker D: Buddy's taking your shit swim after tHat.
[00:37:05] Speaker C: Yeah. What do we do? He's got to be back.
[00:37:07] Speaker A: In fact, I'll take a perception roll from everybody.
[00:37:09] Speaker D: Absolutely not. Well, I will roll, but no to that.
[00:37:15] Speaker C: Oh, that's a good one. Oh, God, that's terrible. I got a 25.
[00:37:19] Speaker A: Also, you do get your hit points for killing the dragon. Zerus, I got a six.
[00:37:23] Speaker D: Wait, did we actually kill the dragon?
[00:37:24] Speaker C: Do we kill him?
[00:37:25] Speaker A: Oh, he's dead.
[00:37:26] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:37:27] Speaker D: I thought that that was just a bait and switch.
[00:37:29] Speaker C: Fuck. Nodak took him.
[00:37:30] Speaker E: Yeah, yeah, Nodak took him over.
[00:37:32] Speaker D: Oh, no. We have a worse dragon.
[00:37:35] Speaker C: We have another problem. Okay, I get stuff.
[00:37:40] Speaker D: Oh, we're such suckers. Oh, God.
[00:37:43] Speaker C: Fucking crap. Damn it.
[00:37:44] Speaker A: How did we do on those perception checks?
[00:37:46] Speaker D: I got a six.
[00:37:47] Speaker A: Oh, I got a 525 boulain and only Boulain. You spot Chom's boot sticking out of the water? He appears to be tangled in some debris and stuck to the side of the dam underwater.
[00:38:01] Speaker D: Are we still in initiative order?
[00:38:03] Speaker E: Yeah, I wanted to take an attack of opportunity.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: As we are, we are going to still be in initiative order. Just a moment. So that was Zerus's turn. The dragon doesn't get any legendary actions because it's dead.
[00:38:18] Speaker D: Creedon, does Boulain point out Chom's boot?
[00:38:20] Speaker C: I think. Okay, so we see Chom's boot. Is Max near him? Is anybody in the water near him?
[00:38:27] Speaker A: No, he is upstream, stuck to the dam with mountains of waterfall water slamming him down underwater. Yeah.
[00:38:35] Speaker C: Since Cretan has an aquatic form and is better suited to do this, she will point to the boot and say, that's Chom.
[00:38:41] Speaker D: All right. Am I within 30ft of Chom?
[00:38:44] Speaker A: You can be with your movement.
[00:38:45] Speaker D: Cool. Can I make some kind of check to see if I think that it would actually work to use my telekinetic ability to pull him 5ft and unentangle him?
[00:38:53] Speaker A: I mean, technically, your telekinetic ability does not have any strength score attached to it, so. Yeah, sure.
[00:39:01] Speaker D: Okay. Well, in that case, I can swim. I might just hop in there and try to free him.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: You can tell a kinetic amount. I'll go for it.
[00:39:10] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:39:11] Speaker C: I mean, the thing is, if his head stuck in something and you pull him, you could decapitate him. Right? I mean, isn't that a danger if there's no strength limit? It depends on how he's stuck. You don't want to rip him in half.
[00:39:22] Speaker D: Yeah, but if there's things that will get me stuck there. Well, I can breathe underwater, actually. I guess I'll just try to swim up to him and free hit like I want to dive in. Do a very graceful dive. Don't make me roll for it. It's beautiful.
[00:39:35] Speaker A: You leap off gracefully without any issue whatsoever. Please give me an athletics roll with advantage as you land in the water next to chum.
[00:39:44] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:39:45] Speaker D: Oh, thank God for that advantage because I rolled a 400 net 20.
[00:39:49] Speaker A: Oh, good.
[00:39:50] Speaker D: Which I think is minus one. Yeah, that's minus one.
[00:39:52] Speaker A: The water pressure goes to yank you by him, and you reach out and snag a fisherman's net, which Chom is all tangled in. And you are now right with him.
[00:40:02] Speaker D: I have a dagger, so I would just be trying to cut him out.
[00:40:06] Speaker A: Okay, you go to cut him out with your net 20. I'm going to give it to you. You manage to get him loose. The two of you wash downstream again. No legendary action. The dragon is dead. On the dragon's turn, it goes to swim away from Ziris. Xeris, would you like you to take it out?
[00:40:19] Speaker E: Actually, what I'm going to do is I'm going to try to think back to the voice in my mind. Just fucking play dead.
[00:40:25] Speaker A: The dragon floats to the surface.
[00:40:28] Speaker E: Oh, thank God. Okay.
[00:40:29] Speaker A: Drifting like a bloated corpse.
[00:40:32] Speaker D: Wait, I am confused. Okay.
[00:40:35] Speaker C: Zuris hit him in the brain with Nodug. Nodug took the dragon over. Like, the dragon's dead. But Nodig took over his body.
[00:40:43] Speaker D: Yeah, but Zuris is able to tell it to not do that because he's.
[00:40:46] Speaker C: Got a connection with.
[00:40:48] Speaker D: Oh, okay.
[00:40:49] Speaker E: This is my patron.
[00:40:50] Speaker D: Oh, you're helping him. Okay.
[00:40:52] Speaker C: And I guess Nodig is willing to listen to Zuris. Thank God.
[00:40:56] Speaker D: I had a two brain cell moment there. Sorry.
[00:41:00] Speaker A: The dragon drifts with the water pressure.
[00:41:04] Speaker E: Floating downstream about 30ft.
[00:41:07] Speaker A: Downstream. I don't see a big reason to still be in combat here. But the dragon's body just keeps floating downstream. Unless someone wants to do something about it.
[00:41:16] Speaker D: I am still focusing on haste. So, Xeris, you can swim in your.
[00:41:19] Speaker A: Doubled speed and you have duck flippers.
[00:41:22] Speaker D: If you want to go get your glave back or.
[00:41:25] Speaker E: No, no, I have my glave.
[00:41:27] Speaker D: Oh, did the glave not stay?
[00:41:28] Speaker C: Oh, I thought he took.
[00:41:29] Speaker D: He pulled it out of it. I thought that it took the glave out?
[00:41:31] Speaker E: No, he just pulled it out and let it go is what I thought.
[00:41:34] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what happened.
[00:41:35] Speaker C: Okay. I thought he took the glave with him. I did not understand that.
[00:41:38] Speaker A: I mean, you should swim down and get it, but. Yeah, no, I mean, he didn't take the time to hand it to you nicely. Okay. Yeah.
[00:41:43] Speaker E: If I don't have it, I will go grab. Yeah.
[00:41:45] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:41:46] Speaker E: And then surface and go back on top of the dam wall, survey the damage, chill out.
[00:41:51] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:41:52] Speaker D: Creedon's going to climb back up the wall with Chom as soon as she can.
[00:41:55] Speaker C: Boulain will join Zuris on the wall. Watching it float away and say, that seemed a little easy.
[00:42:03] Speaker D: Oh, he did have a weapon specifically meant for that job.
[00:42:06] Speaker C: Not that it was objectively easy, but it seemed a little easy to what it should have been.
[00:42:12] Speaker E: I could use a bit of a healer's attention.
[00:42:16] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:42:26] Speaker A: Paladin. Valrictus caved to greed and lost his powers. He had hidden it during the trial as best he could, but Zerus knew the judge had seen right through him. And even as he tried to blame the Fae for his failures, he knew deep in his soul, the truth was simpler. He'd failed to embody the sun. He had been a weak leader. The god had essentially told him so. With glave no longer clouding his mind, he sought to redeem himself. Not trusted to fight the last dragon as it destroyed his beloved and protected city, he would now expend the last of his honor and his life, if need be, to destroy Bison's, the silent fang threat to the empire. The acid burns may hurt. Not even those who love him the most may recognize his face. But he doesn't care.
Because in the moment of greatest need, his god had returned to him. The radiant one had channeled his might to strike at the dragon. And now, on the edge of death, washed down the river, covered in acid burns and mud, a shell of his former glory. Valrychtis is happy. He picks up his pardon and left to start over in Turtle Bay. He doesn't wait for an escort. No celebration, no, thanks.
Leaders must know when to lead and when to follow. And Valrictus is a leader.
So a barge is visible before your clothes are even dry, coming up the river towards you with these huge paddles, allowing them to push on the bottom. What is interesting about these barges, there's three of them, is that they all have a Ballista mounted to the front. And as the barge reaches the floating corpse of the dragon, it stops. And you see a soldier, come out and prod it with a stick.
[00:44:25] Speaker D: Does anything happen?
[00:44:26] Speaker A: At which point, a cheer rolls up from all three of the barges. As 15 Marines did not have to fight a dragon.
[00:44:35] Speaker D: Creedon tries to yell over at them, drinks are on me tonight.
[00:44:39] Speaker C: Shoot it anyway.
[00:44:44] Speaker A: And the dragon slowly sinks as the barge rolls its way up to the lock. The lock is missing a massive chunk out of it, about the size of a dragon, which isn't great.
[00:44:56] Speaker D: Is Grace Street a wizard or something?
[00:44:58] Speaker A: No, Grace street is probably a rogue.
[00:45:01] Speaker D: Am I mixing him up with somebody else?
[00:45:03] Speaker A: Arch Sage Mason was a.
Yeah, somebody.
[00:45:07] Speaker D: Can cast some mending on this. I don't know.
[00:45:09] Speaker C: Just to be clear, no dig took off with this dragon's body, but it's still got a collar of damn rock.
[00:45:14] Speaker A: It does.
[00:45:15] Speaker C: Around its neck.
[00:45:16] Speaker D: Yeah, it's going to stick around for a while. We'll definitely know that it's the same black dragon should we encounter it again.
[00:45:22] Speaker C: I just feel like there needs to be a disadvantage there in his future actions, whatever they are, because he's got a damn collar around his neck that weighs as much as he does.
[00:45:31] Speaker A: His head is heavy. His head is very heavy. Front heavy.
All right, team, you have a party with the Marines. 15 Marines come shore. Gray street rolls out a barrel of some very expensive booze that was probably here. Through various measures of extortion from the past regime. And drinks all round. As you are celebrating, Gray street reaches into his pack and pulls out a newspaper and hands it to Boulain and says, hey, heads up.
[00:46:04] Speaker C: She takes a uh oh.
[00:46:06] Speaker A: So there are three headlines in this newspaper. The first one, it says, new details. Conquest of the undead of Palmville, called into question by new historical details.
[00:46:15] Speaker C: That gets an eyebrow lift from her.
[00:46:17] Speaker A: It's front page news. It reads, filed by one Boulain Culema. New details regarding the saint indicate that Astra likely orchestrated an extra legal takedown of a previously unknown heresy in the faith of the Silent Judge.
[00:46:32] Speaker D: Uh oh.
[00:46:32] Speaker A: Dedicated to the repurpose of discarded human remains through the use of undead magic, this heresy's existence was likely hidden to prevent the spread of their malicious faith. Empire citizens were recently assaulted by the risen dead in the far flung territory of old Fenrir near Palmville. With nearly two dozen citizens confirmed dead. With new reports of bodies missing from silent Judge charge, the promise has vowed to root out what they are calling the heresy of the rotten with the insurrection of cleansing light. They believe the undead dragon attack on Sternheim was also related. Archbishop of the Radiant One, Henrietta Lightstorm, was appointed by the translator to investigate silent Judge catacombs and graveyards in every city of the Empire. Key members of the Chalice have agreed to support the Archbishop and as usual, the fated faction has abstained from comment.
[00:47:22] Speaker C: So Boulain reads this and a long low stream of Elvish words comes out of her mouth that are probably curse words, every last one of them. And then she shows the paper to Creedon and Zuris.
[00:47:37] Speaker D: Creedon does not read it after the adrenaline wears off and Creedon remembers that she has that level of exhaustion but is also drinking heavily. Creedon is fucked.
Well, Creedon gets very wrecked and does not know how to read.
[00:47:50] Speaker E: It is time to go see Samu.
[00:47:53] Speaker C: And our boss because I did not leak anything.
[00:47:57] Speaker E: Yeah, let's tell Tanglebeard.
[00:48:00] Speaker D: How long do these alter self potions last?
[00:48:02] Speaker A: Are we still one d? Four hours.
[00:48:05] Speaker D: How many hours has it been?
[00:48:06] Speaker A: I think your buxom spell will wear off while drinking.
[00:48:10] Speaker E: All right, I rolled a four.
[00:48:12] Speaker A: Xerus is a duck for the entire party.
[00:48:15] Speaker E: I'm going to be a duck man forever.
[00:48:17] Speaker D: Cretan comes up and puts her arm around you and is like, you are the fastest duck I've ever seen. Never seen a duck swim so fast. Kill a dragon. Incredible.
[00:48:32] Speaker C: We should talk to Sim Wack.
[00:48:36] Speaker D: I made this duck fast.
[00:48:39] Speaker E: She did. She made me fast.
[00:48:43] Speaker C: She made me whack.
[00:48:44] Speaker D: I love this new magic. It's so cool.
It makes ducks fast.
[00:48:54] Speaker A: The Marines write out a full report stating that the dark arbiters decimated this thing and that the dragon was dead. Upon arrival, they put it in a sealed envelope and they say, hey, if you're heading to Tuscan, you mind delivering this?
[00:49:07] Speaker C: Lilane snatches it out of their hands. She's irritated now. Says, sure.
[00:49:12] Speaker A: All right, we got to head back to Turtle Bay, I guess. Good work everybody.
[00:49:16] Speaker E: Good work to you, too.
[00:49:18] Speaker A: Toward the end of the party, Max walks up and so we could all go report into Tusken. But I'm a little worried about unfinished business in Turtle Bay. I think we should split up.
[00:49:29] Speaker C: What unfinished business are you worried?
[00:49:31] Speaker A: Ah, the dragon Turtle thing.
[00:49:34] Speaker C: You think they are going to try again?
[00:49:36] Speaker A: I mean, they got nothing but time.
[00:49:38] Speaker C: That is probably wise.
[00:49:40] Speaker D: Creedon being that terrible drunk friend is like you just want us to.
[00:49:43] Speaker A: Twelve.
Max gets very blushy.
[00:49:50] Speaker C: I am sure she could put you up and show you a very good time while you were there, Max.
[00:49:55] Speaker A: Yeah, she seems pretty cool. She's pretty cool. Anyway, Dredd's pretty sure that the macatizations down there are not over. So I'm going to follow his instincts and crack some skulls.
[00:50:06] Speaker C: All right, best of luck. Thank you for working with us on this one.
[00:50:11] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll head back to the Marines with the know. It's a good plan, Creedon. Tread comes to find your drunken self.
[00:50:19] Speaker D: She grabs his face and is like, I'm so glad you didn't die.
[00:50:23] Speaker A: And he says, I was worried when you fell off the dam.
[00:50:27] Speaker D: Well, firstly, I was a very sexy fish. It was no problem.
I had complete control the situation.
[00:50:42] Speaker A: Dread, who has not been drinking, looks very awkward. And he says, wanna go on a walk?
[00:50:47] Speaker D: Okay. You're gonna need to help.
I don't know if she can fix her drugs. She's really fucked.
[00:50:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:50:53] Speaker A: No.
[00:50:54] Speaker D: Do you have a lesser restoration you could Throw on Creedon, perhaps?
[00:50:58] Speaker A: I mean, dread doesn't.
[00:51:01] Speaker D: That was a question to mean cure.
[00:51:05] Speaker C: Wounds and healing word are not going to.
[00:51:09] Speaker D: Well, this is my fate. I mean, I didn't know he was going to be leaving. This is a tragedy.
[00:51:14] Speaker C: Oh, well, I can cast zone of truth on you. That'll be great.
[00:51:18] Speaker D: That is probably incredibly unhelpful.
[00:51:23] Speaker A: So you go on a little walk along the lock, and dread stops and sets you down next to a tree and says, I'm sorry, Crayden. The truth is what matters and I have to go get it. Kindly roll me a charisma saving throw.
[00:51:40] Speaker C: Oh, shit.
What are you up to?
[00:51:45] Speaker A: This is your attempt to stay coherent enough to understand what's going on in the face of intense drunkenness.
[00:51:53] Speaker D: I mean, so straight roll then.
[00:51:54] Speaker A: Yeah. Let's see it.
[00:51:56] Speaker D: 23.
[00:51:56] Speaker A: 23. Okay. Despite your drunken haze, you realize something important is happening.
[00:52:03] Speaker D: I focus it up.
[00:52:04] Speaker A: Now roll me a con saving throw.
[00:52:07] Speaker C: Don't pass out.
Does she pass out?
[00:52:12] Speaker D: Let's see.
[00:52:12] Speaker A: That is probably worse.
[00:52:14] Speaker D: That is six.
[00:52:15] Speaker A: You hurl all over Dredd's pants? Oh, no, just projectile vomiting.
[00:52:24] Speaker D: Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll buy you new pants as my horde of gold. They'll be leather.
[00:52:31] Speaker C: They'll match your cape.
[00:52:33] Speaker A: And he says, yeah, okay, Creedon, you will wake up many hours later.
There will be a little note tucked in your pocket wishing you.
[00:52:44] Speaker D: Oh, this breaks my heart.
[00:52:46] Speaker C: Poor dread. It's been a rough few days, Dread. Gotta give her a break.
[00:52:51] Speaker D: Yeah, it has been.
[00:52:52] Speaker C: I mean, if he still wants to be with you after you get drunk and hurl all over him, he's a keeper, right?
[00:52:59] Speaker D: Who knows what that note says, though? If he just ghosts me after a night of killing a dragon.
[00:53:06] Speaker E: This is not being ghosted. Though he did tell you he was.
[00:53:09] Speaker C: Trying to tell you he was leaving.
[00:53:13] Speaker A: Because you made your charisma saving throw. You vaguely remember what he said. And the note just says, couldn't wait for you. See you in Astragar soon. Dread.
When morning rolls around, you all are one level higher.
[00:53:29] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:53:30] Speaker C: And no longer exhausted. Right.
[00:53:32] Speaker A: And no longer exhausted. That is what I had planned for tonight. The dragon fight went a little faster than I was expecting.
[00:53:39] Speaker D: Yeah, that was very quick.
[00:53:40] Speaker A: You did 338 damage to it in a round and a half.
[00:53:46] Speaker E: Barbarians are crazy.
[00:53:48] Speaker C: Barbarians are nuts, man.
[00:53:49] Speaker D: A hasted barbarian is a true nightmare.
[00:53:52] Speaker A: It was terrifying.
[00:53:55] Speaker C: I guess from here we're going to swing through Tuscan on our way to Astragar and try to do some damage control.
[00:54:01] Speaker E: Damage control? I'm trying to do more damage. Fuck the Samu. I killed the dragon. Samu's gonna be.
[00:54:07] Speaker A: No, just want to point out she.
[00:54:10] Speaker C: Specifically asked Samu to leave her name out of the press. Like, specifically.
[00:54:16] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:54:17] Speaker E: And you trusted. I don't know why you trusted him.
[00:54:19] Speaker C: Well, she never told him anything. We haven't talked to Samu since he introduced himself. Right.
[00:54:25] Speaker A: You did have one very brief conversation with. No, actually. Nope. You didn't talk to him since he introduced himself because you stopped in Sternheim. You didn't go to Tuscan. I will say that the only thing you can think of is that you did specifically write out an accounting of what happened in Palmville.
[00:54:42] Speaker C: Oh, in the town record.
[00:54:44] Speaker A: And asked provincial Mayor Grimble Tanglebeard to file it.
[00:54:47] Speaker C: Okay, but Tanglebeard told us the narrative. He was going to submit about that, and we agreed to his narrative.
[00:54:55] Speaker D: We were like, great.
[00:54:56] Speaker C: That's the narrative.
[00:54:58] Speaker A: Your expectation is that what got submitted probably wouldn't have led someone to this conclusion.
[00:55:05] Speaker D: There's a mole on the inside.
[00:55:08] Speaker A: So either Grimble Tanglebeard changed it, or someone else changed it, or they're jumping to wild conclusions. But your name was apparently on the paper.
[00:55:21] Speaker C: Right.
[00:55:22] Speaker D: Whoever it was should fear us because we just killed a dragon.
[00:55:25] Speaker C: Damn Skippy.
[00:55:27] Speaker E: They should question about mechanics.
[00:55:29] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:55:30] Speaker E: Is no dig still a sentient weapon?
[00:55:33] Speaker A: So no dig is no longer a sentient weapon. It is just a weapon. A magic weapon. A plus one dragon slaying glave. But without no dig inside of it, it cannot generate fire.
[00:55:45] Speaker E: Oh, okay, so no fire. It still has the dragon slang, but no fire.
[00:55:50] Speaker A: Okay, it's still a plus one dragon slaying glave.
[00:55:52] Speaker E: That seems fair and right, because it was pretty op.
[00:55:57] Speaker A: It is still made with red dragon scales, and it is still cursed with greed.
[00:56:02] Speaker E: Well, you call it a curse? I don't.
[00:56:05] Speaker A: That's fine.
[00:56:06] Speaker E: It's a blessing. I need to get less altruistic. And that's not a curse. So, good. That means I can make it my packed weapon. Yes, and I can. Without extra compensation or whatever the word is. Without extra consideration, I can shunt it into an extra dimensional space.
[00:56:23] Speaker A: Yes. You no longer even have to ask permission.
[00:56:26] Speaker E: Outstanding.
[00:56:28] Speaker A: No digs. Not inside of it at the moment.
[00:56:30] Speaker D: Oh, man. Ability score improving at level eight. It's time to max out that charisma, baby.
[00:56:37] Speaker C: Yeah.
I'm going to be adding my wisdom. Yes, I am going to have that.
[00:56:42] Speaker D: 20 cha feet, isn't it? This radiant glow on my skin in the sun?
[00:56:48] Speaker C: I get this potent spellcasting thing where I get to add my wisdom modifier to cantrip damage. Ooh, that's nice.
[00:56:55] Speaker A: So, Creighton, I would like you to, while we're still here, explain for the listener audience how your character sheet has changed.
[00:57:03] Speaker D: All right, let me pull up my lunar sheet.
[00:57:06] Speaker A: Don't talk about this next level up. We'll do that next time.
[00:57:10] Speaker D: All right. Well, I mean, not too much. It looks like it's happening. For know, this new magic looks very good on me and I'm going to gain some charisma.
[00:57:19] Speaker A: Okay, nice. So, Creedon, your patron has abandoned you and been replaced with two patrons?
[00:57:26] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:57:27] Speaker A: One for the daylight hours and one for the nighttime hours. What does your character sheet look like?
[00:57:32] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:57:32] Speaker D: So I now have two character sheets, both of which are now sorcerer character sheets. My daytime character sheet is a divine soul sorcerer, which essentially gives me access to some cleric spells. So I have some nice holy energy there that explains me attempting to cast Eldritch blast and seeing a sacred flame instead. And also the jump over to sorcerer is how I was able to cast haste. And I also have spirit Guardians, which is going to be very fun to use at some point. My nighttime sheet is also a sorcerer, but it is a specialty in lunar sorcery. I'm forgetting what exactly book that's from. I think it's from one of the Eberon books, but essentially there are various phases of the moon that grant me various additional spells depending on the phase of the moon that I choose to be in. It is not whatever is actually narratively in game.
[00:58:24] Speaker C: I was going to say, is this revenge on Nate for giving you this complication that now he has to keep track of the phase of the moon?
[00:58:31] Speaker D: No, unfortunately, it's mostly just making things hard on myself because that character sheet is very complex. But I imagine we'll be doing most of our stuff during the day, so I imagine that the Divine Soul Sorcerer is probably going to get more action, but it'll be fun to do some of this nighttime stuff. There's some neat stuff in there.
[00:58:51] Speaker A: It's cool. Okay. Your character will share spell slots and sorcery points between day and night, yes, and hit points, but your abilities and spell selection shift.
[00:59:02] Speaker D: Yes. Being the sorcerer, that shouldn't be too difficult because the resource pools are the same.
[00:59:08] Speaker A: Excellent.
Bisonth returns home, only now it is Nodig, more specifically, the demigod son of Nodig, who has lived in Zyrus's glave these past months.
Deep in his lair, buried in the labyrinth, he pulls out several huge red dragon scales, each the size of tower shields. He places them in a massive stone basin located just off the main temple.
[00:59:41] Speaker B: He lays his sizable dead bulk across.
[00:59:44] Speaker A: The basin, and the remnant dragon blood in its veins begins to stain the stone.
Words ancient and draconic echo through the temple, and the mountains of gold fed to Nodig by Xeris surround the remains.
There is a brilliant flash of light, and a great red claw is seen.
[01:00:05] Speaker B: Emerging from the basin.
[01:00:08] Speaker A: His colossal body shifts with his ancient magic, and a human with fire gleaming eyes and a smoke filled aura settles into his father's throne.
Perhaps it is time to call up his adopted brother in Turtle Bay after all. Dragons without their gods scattered to the wind and without his horde, he is in need of allies to continue the plan.
Special thanks to Todd Ferguson of Mypet machine for our tunes and Julie at elaborate flight of Fancy for our logo. And that concludes season three, book three of the Carrots and suffering chronicles. We start season four in January 2024, as our heroes of book Three return to Astrogar to start unraveling the mystery of missing bodies and the secrets of the empire of the Gods. What will the faith do to maintain its way of life?
Find out next season on carrots and suffering, a DND odyssey.
[01:01:19] Speaker D: Sam, don't.
