Episode Transcript
[00:00:30] Speaker A: Welcome to carrots and suffering A-D-D odyssey. I am Nate, and I continue to be your dungeon master when I am not a business educational professional. Today is a big fight scene with the vestigial God of disease and rot. This episode contains the grossest descriptions that I could improvise. Maybe not the grossest they could be, but certainly still pretty yucky. Maybe don't listen if you're feeling motion sick or something. Also, we make a rules mistake here. Drinking a potion is an action, but we also turned it into two bonus actions. One to ready the potion and one to drink it. Normally, when I make a rules mistake, I'll go back and knit it out. But this one ends up being pretty integral and it lets the party act more as a team and gives them something to do when their attacks miss. And that's mildly more interesting and more helpful. So I left it last time on cares and suffering. After investigating the town of North bank, our heroes spotted the cultists worshipping the pox, kicked down the door, and kicked their butts.
[00:01:25] Speaker B: So, next question. And we're on the precipice of getting rough and tumble, so your answers count. How have you met pox? And I'm purposely being intimidating.
[00:01:40] Speaker A: Roll me. Intimidate. Sure.
[00:01:41] Speaker C: With a big smile and your hand gripping your axe.
[00:01:44] Speaker D: A big, gregarious.
[00:01:46] Speaker C: That smile just says, got him.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: It turns out the town of Northbank had a problem with ghost mages. And while the sharp edge of the pub, the competing adventuring party, wiped them out, they failed to destroy the last Horcrux, allowing the head of the cult of the pox to reform as a ghost mage. And he shows up and things start to get really hard, really fast.
Zyrus will turn to face you all.
[00:02:10] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: And say in oh no.
[00:02:15] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:02:16] Speaker C: Oh, no.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: You're both spellcasters, I see. I have a proposition for you.
[00:02:26] Speaker A: Our heroes finish their investigation and find a door that might lead to the pox. So they open it. Creden. It wraps around you and yanks you towards the door. You slam into Xeris's back with an eleven boulain. It wraps around you and pulls you to the door. You slam into Xeris's back. Xeris. I need another athletics check. As two people slam into the back.
[00:02:45] Speaker B: Of you and I no longer have guidance. Is that correct? Guidance is just for the next ability.
[00:02:50] Speaker A: Go ahead and add it.
[00:02:51] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Sort of instantaneous thing, really.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: 14. 1919 plus three is 22.
[00:02:57] Speaker A: Damn. Okay. Yeah, you hold.
And that is where we're going to stop.
[00:03:03] Speaker D: For this evening.
[00:03:07] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:03:08] Speaker D: Oh, shit.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: Let's get into it.
Hi, I'm Nate, and I will be your dungeon master.
[00:03:20] Speaker D: Hi, I'm Mandy. I play boulain the grave domain death cleric.
[00:03:24] Speaker C: Hi, I'm Claire, and I play Creedon, the warlock of love.
[00:03:27] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Robert, and I'll be playing Azeris the barbarian for today.
[00:03:34] Speaker D: Just for today.
[00:03:35] Speaker C: You think you're going to die or something?
[00:03:38] Speaker D: I mean, we are facing a boss fight, and we're not in really great shape.
[00:03:42] Speaker C: I'm doing pretty okay.
[00:03:44] Speaker A: Xeris is very easy to resurrect, though, yes?
[00:03:47] Speaker D: Not if the cleric dies, and I'm good.
[00:03:57] Speaker A: Creedon, we want to do a scene with you, so I think this is probably going to be in your mother's office. She's a high ranking official in the.
[00:04:04] Speaker C: Church of divine mercy, is what we had settled on a long time ago.
[00:04:07] Speaker A: Okay. What is your mother's name, bishop?
[00:04:09] Speaker C: I never gave her a name. So we can choose a name for her. I mean, it will be something. Brightwind.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: Bishop Brightwind.
[00:04:17] Speaker C: I'll probably just call her mom.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: Your other mother around?
[00:04:21] Speaker C: I figured she probably wouldn't be here for this scene.
[00:04:24] Speaker A: Okay, you step in to your mother's office.
The office of bishop Brightwind is beautiful and immaculate. She has a scribe. And your mother leans back and says, excuse me, scribe, we're going to take this meeting off the record. And the scribe says, whatever you wish, bishop, and stands up and walks out, closing the door quietly behind you. Samantha, come in and sit down.
[00:04:50] Speaker C: Credence sheepishly walks in and kind of plops down at a chair.
Doesn't correct her mom on the name.
[00:04:58] Speaker A: As you are aware, what has ultimately been determined, as credible witnesses have stated, that your recent advancements in divine power are illicit in nature, that they are not from divine mercy. Church has investigated, and the church has concluded that there is enough evidence here for you to stand a trial and possibly be excommunicated.
[00:05:26] Speaker C: What? Excommunicated? They can't do that.
I'm your daughter.
[00:05:31] Speaker A: I can only use my authority so far. And here's what I've decided. You're young. And because you're young, I consulted a local cleric of the mask who believes that that means that this incident falls under their purview rather than mine. And that is good, because they think if we let you live your life how you choose for a couple of years, you'll come round to the right way of thinking.
Unfortunately, I cannot allow additional damage to be done to the brightwind name to my reputation or to this temple? I'm sending you to the frontier.
[00:06:17] Speaker C: The what?
[00:06:19] Speaker A: Old Fenrar.
[00:06:20] Speaker C: But I want to stay here. I want to stay in the Church of divine mercy.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: Divine mercy will, of course, travel with you wherever you go, child, but I can't have you here.
The revelations that could come out could spell your doom. You could end up very seriously exiled to live with the pirates or cast into the desert. This is not a small mistake, Creedon. Do you understand what I'm saying?
[00:06:55] Speaker C: This is so unfair. I've dedicated my life to divine mercy.
She chose you. She chose Caleb. But she isn't choosing me. And I've chosen her.
I love divine mercy. I love her teachings.
I want to fight for her causes. And I'm doing that the only way that I know how. Because she won't choose me.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
[00:07:24] Speaker A: I understand. Creighton, your mother's going to be pretty upset about this turn of events and I think we should all go home and have a nice dinner together before you pack. I have a couple of friends down in Tuscan. There's a very nice gentleman there who I've asked to take care of you, named Zerus. He's a lawyer, if you will. Currently, I think he's working in the mortuary on next of kin issues. He needs a hand.
[00:07:59] Speaker C: You're sending me with a babysitter?
[00:08:04] Speaker A: I think it's for the best. I've personally requested that he keep you safe. And I have stressed that you are in some trouble with the church, but that you have been given an exemption for now due to your youth. I think this is really the best thing for you. Perhaps in a place where love is less prolific, you will find a way to connect with divine mercy.
[00:08:28] Speaker C: Yeah, well. Yeah, clearly this isn't the place for.
[00:08:31] Speaker A: Me, is it, Creedon? I really hope you come back. Come back and see us. Come back and this will all have blown over.
Allegations will be forgot. You will have a true connection forged through hard work with one of the gods of our pantheon. It doesn't even have to be divine mercy, sweetie.
I hope it's divine mercy. But you can choose anyone.
[00:08:58] Speaker C: I don't want anyone.
[00:09:01] Speaker A: I understand.
And I want you to live your dreams, but this one is too dangerous. I need you to pick another one.
[00:09:13] Speaker C: I'm just going to go.
I'll see you at dinner.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: All right?
Pick up something for your mother on the way home that she likes. Just here. And she hands you a couple of coins and says, just stop at the market. I'll be home in an hour or two.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: Creedon gets up and slams the door.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: As she leaves, the scribe gives you kind of a dirty, yet concerned look as you walk by.
[00:09:36] Speaker C: I shoot that one right back at him.
[00:09:40] Speaker D: Or her.
[00:09:40] Speaker C: Them. Whoever it is.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: So, as our scene opens, you are in a very small ten by 20 foot hallway space. Storage room underneath the warehouse. There's a little bit of blood dripping through the floor. Let's not talk about that.
The whole place smells of just terrifically bad rotten fish. It's rancid down here. And you opened a door that appeared to lead toward the lake. For a brief moment, you saw a sort of dark cavern and a wave of rot stench rolled out of it. But unfortunately, with that wave also came fungal tentacles, which wrapped itself around all three of you and attempted to yank you down the hallway into this creature's lair.
Xeris braced himself on the door, putting arms out and feet out, and has stopped the movement. The tentacles grabbed boulain and also Creedon and slammed you two in the back of Xeris. But, Xeris, you have held.
You are not going into this creature's lair tonight. It is coming out to you. Three massive tentacles, each one probably 2ft in diameter, managed to squeeze out this door and start whipping wildly in the room.
So, good news, this is a boss fight. Well, okay. Bad news, this is a boss fight. Good news, this boss no longer gets lair actions because you are not in the lake. Yeah, and you succeeded in not being pulled into his lair a little weaker. Also good news, on its turn, it does a thing, which I guess isn't good news, it's bad news.
But what's good about it is he can't do this very often, given the space you're in. So, out of one of the tentacles, you see this bulge. Roll up the tentacle, and the tip of the tentacle splits open into, like, some sort of kind of fangid mouth, almost. And out of it sprays a corpse.
And landing on the ground amongst the three of you in this tiny, tiny room is a zombie, which proceeds to stand up with this creature's turn. The room fills with stanky stankiness. Please roll me a constitution saving throw. All three of you.
[00:12:28] Speaker D: I had cast omaturgy to mask the smell on us when we came in.
[00:12:32] Speaker A: Give yourself advantage on this saving throw. You were prepped for the mighty, mighty steel.
[00:12:38] Speaker D: Thank you.
[00:12:38] Speaker B: All of us or just her?
[00:12:40] Speaker A: All of you were prepped.
[00:12:41] Speaker D: 1817.
[00:12:44] Speaker B: That's not great. Six is my high roll.
[00:12:47] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: I'm already sick. That's the problem.
[00:12:52] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, Zerus, you were already a little nauseous and now you are really nauseous. You are puking in the corner. You will lose your first turn, but then you will recover. There's no additional save.
[00:13:08] Speaker B: All right.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: You're just not going to act in round one.
[00:13:10] Speaker B: No action or no round one incapacitated.
[00:13:14] Speaker A: So basically your turn. No action.
[00:13:18] Speaker B: Also no reactions. Okay.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: Gross. One of the tentacles was used to spit a zombie into this room. That's probably what the most things that are going to fit in this room. So two of the tentacles are going to go in for a slap fight tentacle. One is going to smack Xeros because Xeros is closest to the door. Xeros does a 15 hit your armor class.
[00:13:39] Speaker B: It does. And you probably already have advantage on that.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: But you hit, you take ten damage. As this tentacle just smacks you out. A kind of uzi green slime pours out of this tentacle and runs over. You need another constitution saving throw.
[00:13:58] Speaker B: That's an eleven, man.
[00:14:00] Speaker A: These concaves are not for you.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: No.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: Please take an additional two damage. Okay. As these things are so runously rotting that they start to degrade your skin upon touch. The second tentacle is going to branch out because they like diversity here. And smack. Let's go with Creedon. You look.
[00:14:22] Speaker D: That's rude.
[00:14:23] Speaker A: Flimsy. Even though it can't see you. A 20 is probably going to hit you. Yeah, I need a concave from Creighton, please.
[00:14:34] Speaker C: That is a 16.
[00:14:37] Speaker A: The ooze, which is very much like spinach that has gone bad in the fridge for weeks.
[00:14:44] Speaker C: Oh my God.
[00:14:46] Speaker A: Coats you and it's foul. But it mostly lands on your clothes and not your skin. Do take eleven damage as you are pummeled by this tentacle.
[00:14:58] Speaker C: Bad guy.
[00:14:58] Speaker A: And that is our monster's turn. Bringing us to Xeros, who is incapacitated, unfortunately. So blame.
[00:15:04] Speaker D: You're next, sacred flame. All right. She's going to try to get the one on Xeris because Xeros seems to be the most hurt.
[00:15:12] Speaker A: It fails its saving throw for a.
[00:15:16] Speaker D: Mighty one point of damage. And then as a bonus action, she is going to cast spiritual weapon and put it by the zombie that's in here with us.
Okay, that's better. That's going to do. Should have put that on the tentacle. That's going to do nine points of force damage.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: Okay. The spiritual weapon punches it. And what did your sacred flame do?
[00:15:40] Speaker D: It did one point of damage.
[00:15:42] Speaker A: One point.
[00:15:42] Speaker D: Okay. One point.
[00:15:44] Speaker A: Of radiant. So you smack this thing. The radiant damage seems to be especially effective.
[00:15:52] Speaker D: Excellent.
[00:15:53] Speaker A: Double one is two damage.
[00:15:55] Speaker D: Oh, nice.
[00:15:57] Speaker A: And that brings us to Creedon.
[00:16:00] Speaker D: Keep doing that.
[00:16:02] Speaker C: Okay, I've got several questions. First off, are like knowledge checks, just like a free action that we can do.
[00:16:09] Speaker A: Yes. You can roll to know what you know.
[00:16:13] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: I will give you information accordingly.
[00:16:16] Speaker C: Is there anything I could roll to try to suss out if I suspect that this thing is immune to or resistant to poison damage?
[00:16:24] Speaker A: Roll me. Nature or religion, your preference?
[00:16:28] Speaker C: I am equally shitty at both of those. Let's do it.
[00:16:31] Speaker D: Let's try.
[00:16:32] Speaker C: Oh, no, that's a four.
[00:16:34] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: Yeah. You're being attacked by a mushroom. That's the best you got?
[00:16:39] Speaker C: Okay, second question.
How exactly does using a dose of Wyvern poison work?
[00:16:47] Speaker A: So you can spend an action either coding one weapon or three crossbow bolts or arrows. Thus the poison will be ready to be deployed.
[00:17:00] Speaker C: Okay, I want to shout out, I guess to wait. Is yours conscious?
[00:17:06] Speaker A: Yes. Okay, he's just puking.
[00:17:07] Speaker C: I'll shout out to him, do you need some Wyvern poison?
And then I want to.
[00:17:16] Speaker D: No, I'm sick enough. Thanks.
[00:17:21] Speaker C: I want to bonus action cast hex on the boss. And then I want to choose. I mean, just in case we want to use the poison. I'm going to choose constitution.
Blyn, is it better to have wisdom.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: As disadvantage using a dex based?
[00:17:42] Speaker D: The sacred flame is Dex. The word of radiance is con. If I wind up, I'll do a.
[00:17:48] Speaker C: Constitution as the disadvantage ability. Check that it will have with the hex. And then I am going to Eldridge blast it.
That is a twelve to hit.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: That is exactly enough. It is very big. Cool.
[00:18:06] Speaker C: I love that. For me, that is eight force damage and five necrotic damage. And can I move away from it without invoking an attack of opportunity? I'm guessing it has reach.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: It does have reach, but its reach extends to this whole room. So as long as you don't try to climb up the ladder.
[00:18:26] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:18:26] Speaker A: You will not provoke an attack of opportunity, but you won't really get away from it.
[00:18:30] Speaker C: I just want to run, like back a little bit to be farther away from the zombie. And preferably farther away from its mouth.
[00:18:36] Speaker A: Yeah, you can get further away from the zombie. The zombie, sort of at the end of the round, decides to turn around and make a half hearted punch at the lane. Boulain, does a 15 hit your ac?
[00:18:50] Speaker D: Yes, it does.
[00:18:51] Speaker A: You are on the receiving end of five damage as this zombie punches you jerk. It is gross smelling. And that brings us back to our monster. So our monster's turn. You see another bulge start to swell through this tentacle and it hits the door and just sort of gets jammed there, leaving that tentacle that was spitting out corpses, sort of flailing. Two tentacles, however, are going to whip around. One of them is going to try to smack Xeris. A 15 again will hit and one of them is going to smack Boulain. A twelve will not hit. Zero constitution saving throw and 13 damage, my friend.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: That is rough. I need to act 13 on this one.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: Misses by one. You take five more damage.
[00:19:44] Speaker B: I am down to seven.
[00:19:47] Speaker C: Oh, my God. I got to get you one of those help.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: But Zerus, you've recovered from puking and it's now your turn.
[00:19:53] Speaker B: I rage.
[00:19:56] Speaker C: Good call.
[00:19:57] Speaker B: Which necessary to prevent some damage. Well, then I'm just going to attack. We've gotten a seven, an eight.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: That is not sufficient. This room is very cramped and this is not helping you.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: Not at all.
[00:20:13] Speaker A: Boulain.
[00:20:14] Speaker D: Okay, so Boulain can see in the dark. Can she see this creature in its lair?
[00:20:20] Speaker A: No.
[00:20:21] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:20:21] Speaker A: The tentacles have essentially filled the doorway. Okay, so you can see three tentacles. There are more tentacles writhing in the hallway beyond. But that's all you can see.
[00:20:34] Speaker D: She's going to cast Bane and she can do up to three creatures. So she's going to do the boss and she's going to do the two zombies.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: Only one zombie.
[00:20:42] Speaker D: Oh, did we kill one?
[00:20:44] Speaker A: No, it's stuck in the tentacle. The room isn't big enough for it to deposit this and it is stuck in the tentacle.
[00:20:52] Speaker D: Oh, but there is a zombie in that tentacle.
[00:20:54] Speaker A: There is one zombie in the tentacle and that you can't really see yet. It's still in the tentacle. And there's one zombie out of the tentacle.
[00:21:00] Speaker D: Okay, so I can't cast bane on it. Something I can't see is what you're saying.
[00:21:04] Speaker A: No, but everything fails. It's saved. So you've baned the two creatures that are here.
[00:21:08] Speaker D: Excellent. Oh, and I'm going to move the spiritual weapon to the zombie. No, I'm going to move the spiritual weapon to the tentacle. That's on zeros and. Okay, clap it.
Okay, that's 17.
[00:21:23] Speaker A: That absolutely hits and does the five damage you've rolled.
[00:21:26] Speaker D: Yes. Excellent. Thank you.
[00:21:27] Speaker A: And that's going to bring us to Creighton.
[00:21:29] Speaker C: Okay, is it an action or bonus action to dump a healing potion?
[00:21:33] Speaker B: Bonus.
[00:21:34] Speaker A: Is it going to be a bonus action? Because you have them ready. It's an action if you have to dig them out of your bag.
[00:21:40] Speaker C: Okay, well, I want to go ahead and get an eldritch blast off on this guy while I've got my hex up before my concentration gets broken.
Oh, shit. Yeah. Nat 20.
[00:21:52] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:21:53] Speaker A: Okay, roll that. Beautiful critical damage.
[00:21:56] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:21:57] Speaker C: This is why I had two sets of my damage dice, just in case.
Two of them are ones. God damn it. Okay, well, that's going to be.
Let's see.
8910, 1112, force damage. Twelve force damage, and three necrotic damage. That was a pretty weenie. Crit sucks so bad.
[00:22:19] Speaker D: When you roll bad on crit dice.
[00:22:21] Speaker A: Your blast takes one of the tentacles out.
[00:22:24] Speaker C: Nice.
[00:22:24] Speaker A: You can see that tentacle start to pull itself back and another tentacles start to replace it. But for the next round, one of the tentacles is not here.
[00:22:32] Speaker C: Okay, and then can I use my bonus action to just dig the potion out of my bag but not do anything with it?
[00:22:40] Speaker A: Now you have the potion and you are ready to bonus action.
[00:22:43] Speaker C: I will run up next to Xeris so he can just grab it out of my hand.
[00:22:48] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: The zombie is going to attack you, Cretan, because you're around.
[00:22:54] Speaker C: That's so rude.
[00:22:55] Speaker A: A 19 is probably going to hit Cretan, take five damage as a zombie punches you. One tentacle is destroyed, therefore it is occupied. This turns, it is replaced. One tentacle has a corpse lodged into it, but doesn't have a place to put it. So you see that tentacle kind of flailing around, leaving us with just one tentacle. The tentacle that was attacking Boulain is the one that is still functioning. So boulain a nine is not going to hit you as the remaining tentacle kind of whips at you a bit. That's a sad turn for him, Xeris.
[00:23:28] Speaker B: All right, I'm going to attack the tentacle with a bulge at the bulge.
[00:23:35] Speaker C: Smart.
[00:23:36] Speaker B: I'm going to do so recklessly.
[00:23:37] Speaker C: Are you keeping a bonus action to chug this potion?
[00:23:40] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:23:41] Speaker C: Okay, good.
[00:23:42] Speaker B: That's going to be a 18.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: I believe that hits.
[00:23:46] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. Seven slashing and six radiant.
[00:23:51] Speaker A: 6Th radiant doubles to twelve. You hack that tentacle in half, the corpse that was inside of it sort of falls to the ground, does not get up yet. Great.
[00:24:01] Speaker B: Then I will go ahead and I'll take the healing potion.
[00:24:06] Speaker C: Not too much, but hopefully it helps.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: Eight.
[00:24:09] Speaker D: Oulane, you're up there still a tentacle in the room.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: There is one tentacle in the room and it is punching you.
[00:24:16] Speaker D: Okay, she is going to cast sacred flame on that tentacle. So it needs to make a deck save.
[00:24:21] Speaker A: Does a 15 succeed?
[00:24:23] Speaker D: Yes, and then she's going to put her spiritual weapon on that and try to hit it with that.
Yeah. Okay, 23.
[00:24:31] Speaker A: That hits for sure.
[00:24:34] Speaker D: Twelve force damage. Damn. Boulain is getting a little irritated.
[00:24:38] Speaker A: Yeah, that hits it. Creedon, there's one tentacle in the room, two that are in the process of withdrawing.
[00:24:44] Speaker C: Are they withdrawing because we. Like, they're cut in half, quote unquote killed them. Okay, I'm going to try to eldritch blast. That was garbage. That's a ten to hit.
[00:24:53] Speaker A: A ten to hit will miss. Yes.
[00:24:56] Speaker C: Oh, wait, actually, can I dig out another potion just to have it ready? Just in case we need it as my bonus action?
[00:25:03] Speaker A: Yes, you can use your bonus action to pull a potion for next turn. The zombie is going to punch at you. But miss terribly, Creedon, and that is going to bring us to our monster. Okay, one of the tentacles that was pulling itself back replenishes. Now, there are now two tentacles in the room. The third one is still in the process of retracting. Tentacle one is going to attack Ziris. Zeros. Does a 13 hit your ac?
[00:25:24] Speaker B: No, I'm 14.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: And tentacle two attacks Boulain, Boolain and eight is going to miss your ac.
[00:25:30] Speaker D: Are these tentacles regenerating or is it just a.
[00:25:33] Speaker A: No, they're new tentacles coming in to replace them. Okay, this creature is much larger than the door.
[00:25:38] Speaker D: Yeah, that is great news. If they were regenerating, I was going to be very unhappy.
[00:25:43] Speaker A: That's going to bring us to zeros.
[00:25:45] Speaker B: I will recklessly attack the new challenger. Also, don't forget, you'll get advantage on attacking me as well.
[00:25:53] Speaker D: Okay, Robert, you don't have to remind him of that if he doesn't remember.
[00:25:59] Speaker B: This time, I've scored a 22 to hit with a six slash and a five. Radiant.
[00:26:06] Speaker C: Also, don't forget that it has disadvantage on con saves. So if you have anything that does con save.
[00:26:11] Speaker D: That's true. I'm going to move to my con radiant cantrip. Thank you for the reminder.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: I'm not that fancy.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: Xeris, you hack the tentacle off that was attacking Boulain, leaving just one tentacle in the room currently attacking you, Creedon.
[00:26:25] Speaker C: Eldridge blast, this time with feeling.
That is a 21 to hit.
[00:26:32] Speaker A: Super hits.
[00:26:34] Speaker C: Twelve forest damage and three necrotic damage. Do you want another healing potion, Zerus?
[00:26:41] Speaker B: I'll grab it next time.
[00:26:43] Speaker A: Blaine, did I skip you? What's your turn.
[00:26:46] Speaker D: Is it my turn?
[00:26:47] Speaker A: I believe it is your turn. I think I skipped you and went to Creedon.
[00:26:50] Speaker D: Oh, okay.
[00:26:51] Speaker C: I was confused as to why I got to go so early.
[00:26:53] Speaker D: Okay. Claire so helpfully reminded me I'm going to cast word of radiance on it, which is a concave disadvantage. Creatures of choice within range, so I can do the tentacle. And the zombie.
[00:27:04] Speaker A: And the zombie. There's a second zombie on the ground that hasn't stood up yet, but it's going to. The big monster gets a seven with disadvantage. The zombie gets a seven.
[00:27:18] Speaker D: I rolled two twos.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: Great.
[00:27:21] Speaker D: And then spiritual weapon on the tentacle. 19. That is six damage.
[00:27:28] Speaker A: Okay, zombies all stand up. Well, one of them stands up. This room is now just too full. Zombie is going to attack Xeris. It will hit Xeris. Xeris, you are punched for five damage. Please take half of that since you're raging.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: Sure, I'll take two.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: Second zombie is going to punch at Boulain and Miss terribly.
[00:27:49] Speaker D: Great.
[00:27:50] Speaker A: Our monster is back up to just two tentacles, actually, because that last swing from Boulain crushed a tentacle again. So they are going to whip around and one of them is going to smack at Boulain.
That is super a hit. Belain. I need concave.
[00:28:14] Speaker D: I don't like concaves, Nate.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: I don't like super hits.
[00:28:20] Speaker D: That's an eleven.
[00:28:22] Speaker A: Okay. That is a fail, as they say.
[00:28:25] Speaker B: Is that what they say?
[00:28:26] Speaker A: Yes, please take ten damage. Boulain.
[00:28:29] Speaker D: Shit.
She's in trouble.
[00:28:31] Speaker A: Okay, there is a weird slurping noise that comes from these tentacles, and you have no idea what the hell is going on, but the monster seems to get more vigorous. Color seems to flow back into it a little bit. One of its tentacles does seem to actually regenerate.
[00:28:54] Speaker D: It is taking my life into itself. Gross.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: And then the second tentacle is, of course, going to whip at Xeris. It has advantage, which it needed badly. It will hit Xeris. I need a concave.
[00:29:07] Speaker B: Okay.
Concave is a seven.
[00:29:11] Speaker A: Nine damage, for which you will take half. And then six poison damage.
[00:29:23] Speaker D: Hi, this is Mandy. I'm here with your midroll. In episode 14, Nate narrated an interesting midroll about character races that sparked a lively conversation between the two of us. Over text, naturally. So I'm hijacking this midroll to respond to some of the things he had to say. He posits that all races are, on some level, actually humans at the heart of it. I think he has made a valid point, but my pedantic ass feels like there's some expansion to be had here. All stories are told by humans for consumption by other humans. Experiential relatability is key to maintaining the interest of a human audience in the story. All sentient non human races that humans make up are intrinsically tied to humanity because, as Nate said, we are incapable of coming up with something wholly divorced from our own human perspective. But why do we feel the need to make up non human sentient races and species? What do fantasy races do? Well, one thing they can do is amplify or exaggerate existing aspects of humanity to magnify and explore. Dwarves are industrious, hardworking, and hard partying. Orcs are the brutal and warlike part of human nature we don't much like to think about. Another thing they do is help us contemplate and reflect on things humans don't have, like more time. Elves have a significantly longer lifespan than humans, 100 plus or minus years. What would it mean if humans simply had more time? Our ambition becomes less compressed and urgent. Our patience and calm increase. We might gain a long game outlook on movement and change. We would have a perspective on time that humans just don't have. A nonhuman sentient race is about applying certain lenses of study to explore traits that come back to the humanity that conceived it in the first place. That said, how do we avoid over generalizing fantasy races and avoiding stereotypical tropes? I liked an example Nate provided in our lively discussion. Sure, your dwarves can be hard workers and hard drinkers prone to alcoholism, but if you go and give them all irish accents, what exactly are you saying about the Irish? I'll go one step further over generalization, I. E. All dwarves are drunks and all orcs are evil is boring as fuck. Use your bloody imagination. Think about how varied humans are. Not just our skin colors and genders, but our interests, our passions, our drives, our languages, our artworks, our cultural stories. Humanity has, across cultures, a lot of common threads and themes, traits we all share and connect through. But we also have a lot of variations among our cultures and our languages, and also a staggering amount of variation within each culture. The million dollar question is, why would a sentient non human race contain any less variety than humanity does? Further, the more interesting non human characters are usually standouts or pariahs from their own prevailing cultures. Legolas is awfully restless and full of wanderlust for a patient, calm elf. Gimli's interaction with Galadriel reveals a poetic and soft side in him, not quote unquote characteristic among the dwarves. Spock, a half human, has a lot of feels for a vulcan. This is all about tying them back to humanity. It makes them relatable. D d is made up of the people who play it. I'm looking at the rules lawyers here. At the risk of getting some serious hate mail, here's the thing. You, the DM, and the players are the ones who can make a race dynamic and interesting or stereotypical and boring. The player's handbook and the DM guide do lay out very generalized guidelines for each race. But you know what? Those are guidelines. They are not hard and fast rules. The DM manual even explicitly says so. Bend the rules as you need to. The only real hard rule is to be consistent with your bending. Does a common race trait not work for the world you're building? Then change it. The rules should exist to serve the story, not the other way around. One last thought I'll end on, and that's how to go about playing a nonhuman character with both the meta and the immediate in mind. I would advocate for the importance of not getting bogged down or tied up in metaphysics. Sure, elves live a long time, but in their day to day doings, how much are they actively thinking about their lifespans or what their length of life means? Probably about as much as humans actively day to day think. On our own 100 year lifespans, it's not the lifespan we think about. Rather, how does that lifespan long or shortness trajectory affect how we think about things? How we do things, respond, or react to things in people both day to day and in the long term? There's an old theater directing quip. You cannot tell an actor to act drunk and expect to get anything of quality out of them in terms of their performance. How do you act drunk? But you can tell them to act like their vision is blurred, the floor and the walls are shifting under and around them. They can't seem to keep their mouths quite closed, and that their tongue seems to move a half second later than the words they are saying when they try to talk. The devil is in the details, not in the general state of things. When playing your nonhuman character, focus on what your character says and does, how they think, how they react, and how they say and do it. Let all that be informed by their race traits, but don't wholly define them with those traits. It's as much a disservice to an orc as it is to a human. Get into your character's skin, keeping certain things in mind without dwelling too hard on them from the beloved stopper play. Rosencrantz and Gilna's stern are dead. Relax. Respond. That's what people do. You can't go through life questioning your situation at every turn.
[00:35:08] Speaker A: It is your turn.
[00:35:09] Speaker B: Well, since we're talking about it, I will grab a heel potion and drink it.
[00:35:16] Speaker C: Are you using one of your own or are you taking.
[00:35:18] Speaker B: No, I'm taking yours.
[00:35:19] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:35:21] Speaker B: Six points bringing me up to a whopping nine.
[00:35:25] Speaker C: I got one left.
[00:35:27] Speaker B: I've got one from there. We're just going to go ahead and attack. We're not going to be reckless, sadly, but I'll go ahead and attack the tentacle. Attacking me.
That's a 15 battle hit. That's going to be nine slashing.
[00:35:48] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:35:49] Speaker B: And five, radiant.
[00:35:51] Speaker D: Boolain, have you been subtracting one d four from the attacks?
No, she cast pain on it.
[00:36:00] Speaker A: Remind me in the future.
[00:36:03] Speaker D: Okay.
She's going to cast word of radiance again on everything in the room that isn't us.
[00:36:10] Speaker C: Don't forget, big bad has disadvantage.
[00:36:14] Speaker A: Big bad's disadvantage means he fails. Zombie one and zombie two. Zombie two passes, but zombie one fails.
[00:36:21] Speaker D: All right.
My God. I rolled two ones. Radiant damage. And then I'm doing the spiritual weapon on the tentacle.
[00:36:31] Speaker A: Better than a poke in the eye. Sort of, marginally, at least.
[00:36:34] Speaker D: It's double on the tentacle.
Oh, that's good. 21 on the spiritual weapon that hits clapping the tentacle.
Oh. Full damage. Eight plus five is 13, Creedon.
[00:36:47] Speaker C: Well, I'm going to do my eldritch blast cape.
Eleven, I think that doesn't hit.
[00:36:55] Speaker A: Misses by one.
[00:36:57] Speaker C: And I guess I'll pull out my last healing potion just to have ready. Because I guess we're going to need it. How's it looking? I mean, we can just see tentacles.
[00:37:08] Speaker A: So we probably like a rotten array of tentacles is how it's looking.
[00:37:12] Speaker D: No.
[00:37:13] Speaker C: We're going to die.
[00:37:15] Speaker A: Two zombies. One of them is going to try to punch Creden. Creedon. A 17 is likely to hit you. Correct.
[00:37:21] Speaker C: That does hit me.
[00:37:22] Speaker A: You are punched for five. Damage by a zombie. Zombie that is affected by bane punches at Boulain and misses.
[00:37:30] Speaker C: I do keep my concentration.
[00:37:31] Speaker D: I got a twelve.
[00:37:34] Speaker A: Three tentacles are now in the room and a slap fest would begin, except two of those tentacles grab the zombies and suck them back out the door.
[00:37:45] Speaker C: That's kind of Cool.
[00:37:46] Speaker D: But that's interesting.
[00:37:49] Speaker A: There is a noise similar to before, and the creature looks so much healthier now.
[00:37:57] Speaker C: Yeah, I figured that was what was happening.
[00:37:58] Speaker D: Point are we going to just run away.
[00:38:02] Speaker C: I don't know if we can.
[00:38:05] Speaker D: There's a ladder.
[00:38:06] Speaker C: Yeah, that's going to be hard to climb with tentacles going at you.
[00:38:10] Speaker A: That means there's only one tentacle left in the room to actually punch someone and.
[00:38:15] Speaker C: Not it.
[00:38:15] Speaker D: Not it.
[00:38:17] Speaker A: We'll try punching Xeris, but we're going to miss terribly.
Just terribly. Xeris, you're up.
[00:38:25] Speaker B: I will slash one of the tentacles. Is there one that's still damaged that we haven't cut through yet, or because of the healing?
[00:38:34] Speaker A: There are three mostly rough, buff tentacles, one of which is currently in the room, and two that are on their way back in.
[00:38:39] Speaker B: I will hit the one in the room.
We have a 22 super hits for 13 slashing and four radiant.
[00:38:50] Speaker A: Four radiant becomes eight radiant and 13 slashing. Boolean.
[00:38:55] Speaker C: You can also grab my healing potion if you.
[00:38:58] Speaker D: Healing potions are expensive.
[00:38:59] Speaker C: That's true.
[00:39:01] Speaker D: Cure wounds.
[00:39:06] Speaker B: I do have a potion of healing in my inventory. Awesome.
[00:39:08] Speaker D: 13 points back. That's nice. And that's her turn. Oh, no. She can do the spiritual weapon as a bonus action. And that's going on against the tentacle. She's going to do the one that's in the room with us.
Ten is not going to hit.
[00:39:24] Speaker A: No. What? Ten is going to miss, Creedon.
[00:39:29] Speaker C: Blessed. Blessed. Oh, my God. I'm rolling like dog shit.
[00:39:34] Speaker A: Another eleven misses by one. Yeah.
[00:39:37] Speaker C: Does anybody need a fresh brew dumped in their mouth?
[00:39:42] Speaker B: Sure, I'll take it. I mean, I'm at single digit hit points.
[00:39:45] Speaker D: All right.
[00:39:45] Speaker C: I will dump my last healing potion into Xeris's mouth.
[00:39:49] Speaker B: All right, give me an four plus two.
[00:39:51] Speaker C: All right, there we go. That's four plus two.
[00:39:54] Speaker B: All right, don't roll again.
[00:39:55] Speaker D: No.
[00:39:58] Speaker C: I'm rolling terribly. I don't know why you wanted me to roll.
[00:40:01] Speaker B: Because it's your action.
[00:40:02] Speaker A: Bottom of the round. There are no zombies in the room, but the room fills with three fresh tentacles. A slurping noise can be heard in the background as zombies are probably being digested. Monster is becoming even more robust.
[00:40:19] Speaker C: Do we need to run? Maybe we do need to run.
[00:40:21] Speaker D: I'm just saying we're pretty depleted here, and this is beating the crap out of us.
[00:40:27] Speaker C: Maybe it's go time.
[00:40:29] Speaker A: With three tentacles visible in the room, one attacks each one of you. Creedin, that's a crit.
Go ahead and get a concave. Out of the way, Boulain, that is a miss.
Zerus, that is a miss.
[00:40:43] Speaker C: That's a ten on my concave.
[00:40:44] Speaker D: And you did take the d. Four. Off of the hit.
[00:40:46] Speaker A: It unfortunately did not help the crit, and the other two were very low. Okay, Creedon, 20 damage.
[00:40:55] Speaker C: I'm down. I had 19. No, I had 19 left. I didn't think I would take a crit.
[00:41:01] Speaker A: No one expects the crit.
[00:41:03] Speaker C: I healed everyone else and was left with nothing.
[00:41:06] Speaker D: She sacrificed Xeris.
[00:41:08] Speaker A: There are three tentacles in this room, but they're not looking very good, actually, despite the fact that this thing keeps reinvigorating, these tentacles aren't. They're looking stringy.
[00:41:20] Speaker B: Can I use a bonus action to dump my healing potion?
I will go ahead and do it on myself.
That's another five points putting me at 20.
And then I will smack one of the tentacles.
We got a 15.
That is ten slashing. And eight radiant.
[00:41:44] Speaker A: Jesus.
[00:41:45] Speaker D: You said it's looking stringier, like even though it's healing, you're doing more damage.
[00:41:51] Speaker A: Than it is healing. This point, it's looking pretty wrung out. Okay, so are we.
[00:41:56] Speaker D: Yes, it has wrung us out.
[00:42:01] Speaker A: Lulaine, your turn.
[00:42:02] Speaker D: All right, here's the deal, y'all. I can either do damage to it and heal Creedon, or I can heal Creedon for more.
[00:42:09] Speaker C: Do damage to it. We need to shotgun this thing down. Okay, but also get me up so I can help.
[00:42:14] Speaker D: All right, so she's going to cast word of radiance. It needs to do its concave, minus a d four.
[00:42:18] Speaker A: Okay. Disadvantaged concave, minus a d four. Well, it wasn't quite a negative number, but that's a total fail.
[00:42:25] Speaker C: All right, it no longer has disadvantaged con saves, I hate to say, since I went down the hex.
[00:42:30] Speaker A: Well, that's okay. It rolled two fives. Neither one is good.
[00:42:34] Speaker D: Oh, and that's good? That's a five.
[00:42:35] Speaker C: I hate to help you out, but.
[00:42:37] Speaker D: Five points of radiant damage, which I'm guessing doubles to ten.
[00:42:40] Speaker A: Yes, it does. Double to ten. One of the tentacles dies, and this time it is not replaced.
[00:42:44] Speaker D: Good. And then as a bonus action, she's casting healing. Word on Creedon. And you get eight points of healing. So you wake up and her movement is. She's going to be trying to drag Creden back towards the ladder.
[00:42:59] Speaker A: Creedon, you're awake. Lane has her arms wrapped, like, under your arms and is pulling you along the ground.
You want to fire a parting burst?
[00:43:07] Speaker C: I do.
Although I kind of think you should try to kill it. Oh, yes. I got a 13 to hit that hits.
[00:43:15] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:43:15] Speaker C: Come on, baby. Big damage.
[00:43:17] Speaker D: You woke up, man.
[00:43:18] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Minimum damage.
Fuck this. Five force damage.
[00:43:24] Speaker A: Okay, rolling so bad with only two tentacles in the room, tentacle one is going to slap at Boulain, who is pulling Creedon back.
16 with the minus d. Four. Does a 16 hit you?
[00:43:42] Speaker B: Finally, I reach out one of my wings and add two to your armor class.
[00:43:46] Speaker A: Okay. It does not hit.
[00:43:48] Speaker D: Yay.
[00:43:49] Speaker A: Attacking zeros.
17. Yes.
[00:43:54] Speaker B: 17 hits.
[00:43:54] Speaker A: I need a concave from you for my friends. Sir, that's an 811 damage, of which you will take half plus one poison. Because I rolled minimum.
[00:44:03] Speaker B: All right.
[00:44:03] Speaker A: Down to 13 zeros. There are two tentacles in the room.
[00:44:09] Speaker C: I think we can maybe take them.
[00:44:10] Speaker B: Retort for that smack.
[00:44:14] Speaker C: I wonder is if there's more after the tentacles or if the tentacles is enough to take it out.
[00:44:19] Speaker B: 20 to hit.
[00:44:21] Speaker A: Super hit.
[00:44:22] Speaker B: Eleven slashing. Five radiant.
[00:44:24] Speaker A: One of the tentacles dies, and there's one tentacle left.
[00:44:28] Speaker D: Boulain Bolane is going to do word of radiance in the spiritual weapon. On it. Okay, concave, minus a d. Four.
[00:44:35] Speaker A: Total failure.
[00:44:36] Speaker D: Excellent. All right, so that maximum damage. Six radiant damage.
And then the spiritual weapon.
[00:44:46] Speaker A: 15 hits.
[00:44:47] Speaker D: Seven force damage.
[00:44:50] Speaker C: Creedon, I sent some of my dice to dice jail.
Let's see if this one does me any better.
God damn it. No. I do nothing.
[00:45:03] Speaker D: Okay, you tried. You just woke up from.
[00:45:06] Speaker C: I cried at the very beginning, and then it was all done. After that, all downhill. I've been rolling, like, threes and fives and sevens.
[00:45:16] Speaker D: That's why you were at the threshold of death.
[00:45:19] Speaker A: Smack zero. So you know the concave, men.
[00:45:22] Speaker B: All right, that is a 14.
[00:45:27] Speaker A: That is what you need. Good news.
You only take 13 damage. Take half because you're raging.
[00:45:34] Speaker B: Thank goodness, because that would have put me at zero. I'm at seven.
[00:45:39] Speaker A: Yes, it's really good. You made that saving throw.
Zeros. There is one tentacle left in this rim.
[00:45:44] Speaker B: No, there is not.
[00:45:48] Speaker A: Don't get cocky.
[00:45:50] Speaker B: Oh, that's a nat 20.
[00:45:52] Speaker C: Yay.
[00:45:52] Speaker D: Okay, get cocky.
[00:45:55] Speaker B: So, first roll, we have four and five. Give me a second.
Five and seven.
So, nine slashing. Nine radiant.
[00:46:07] Speaker A: This tentacle is cut in half, and you see through this doorway, this sort of stringy, greenish brown substance that's giving off this foul smell just starts to quiver and undulate, and finally, something is birthed out of it and just lands covered in green slime at your feet. And you see the last of the tentacles just sort of fall in the back, and this green, slimy thing at your feet.
For a moment, you think it's a corpse, and then it coughs out, just like this huge hunk of phlegm. And it sort of stands up and wipes the green goop off of its face, revealing an old man just covered in postulant boils, partially rotted, and he just sort of hacks and says, that damn darn.
What a hypocrite.
[00:47:09] Speaker C: That damn what?
[00:47:10] Speaker B: Darn.
[00:47:12] Speaker A: Darn is what he says.
[00:47:14] Speaker D: I'm going to use eyes of the grave. Is this thing undead?
[00:47:18] Speaker A: No, but you can roll me a history check to recognize the word darn, right?
[00:47:23] Speaker B: I attack it.
[00:47:25] Speaker D: No, hold on.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: You can do that.
[00:47:27] Speaker D: I also want to attempt a history check.
[00:47:30] Speaker C: I got a 13.
[00:47:31] Speaker D: Boulain will, like, bodily put herself in front of zeros to keep them from attacking it. Yet.
[00:47:36] Speaker A: One thing at a time. One thing at a time.
[00:47:38] Speaker D: Sure.
[00:47:38] Speaker A: So a 15 darn is a famous historic wizard from, like 1000 years ago. Darren made this creation known as Darren's ancient fortress. It is a little cube that when thrown, turns into a fortress.
[00:47:56] Speaker C: Cool.
[00:47:57] Speaker D: Okay, question. Does this guy sound like the arch stage mason?
[00:48:04] Speaker A: No, not at all.
[00:48:05] Speaker D: That's not his voice.
[00:48:06] Speaker A: Okay, Robert, so Zerus attacking.
[00:48:09] Speaker B: I don't know. I'm going to go ahead and make a wisdom save.
[00:48:13] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:48:14] Speaker B: I'm just going to try a DC ten to listen to boolain while I'm raging rage. Yes, it is a three, so, yes, I am.
[00:48:23] Speaker A: Okay, so go ahead and roll me an attack.
[00:48:26] Speaker B: Roll 18.
[00:48:28] Speaker A: Okay, and then what would it be with disadvantage if you rolled again?
[00:48:33] Speaker B: Sorry, 15.
[00:48:34] Speaker A: So, Boulain, in many situations I would allow you to impose yourself. Unfortunately, even with disadvantage, Xeris will hit. Please roll me your damage, Xeris.
[00:48:41] Speaker B: Yes, it is six slashing and five radiant.
[00:48:46] Speaker A: You smack this old man with an axe and he doesn't seem to react like there's an axe in him, but he just sort of looks up at you and says, you're a lackey and a hypocrite, too. Bolaine and Creedon, what do you want to do? Xeris is still mad.
[00:49:05] Speaker C: I kind of might want to shoot at him, too, because he almost killed me and I don't love that.
[00:49:12] Speaker A: Seems like a reasonable reason.
[00:49:14] Speaker D: I mean, we don't know if this thing just got let go because the thing died or if he is the wizard of the man behind the curtain. We have no idea who he's not.
[00:49:22] Speaker C: Being like, oh, thank you for saving me. He's talking shit, so I have.
[00:49:27] Speaker D: We don't even know who made.
[00:49:29] Speaker C: No, he's talking shit to zeros, too.
[00:49:31] Speaker D: Well, he is now talking shit to.
[00:49:33] Speaker C: Zeros, so, yeah, I guess I'm just going to eldritch blast.
[00:49:37] Speaker A: All right, roll the hit.
[00:49:39] Speaker C: I don't know. Creedon's very shook. Well, that's a ten to hit.
[00:49:44] Speaker D: I don't think that's going to.
[00:49:46] Speaker A: That will not hit.
[00:49:47] Speaker C: Lucky for you, Boulain, I am garbage right now.
[00:49:51] Speaker A: Just a little bit of dexterity left in him. Boulain, they're attacking. What are you doing?
[00:49:56] Speaker D: So the dude looks like he's about to attack Zuris.
[00:49:58] Speaker A: He doesn't seem like he's going to do anything. He's got an axe in his chest. Doesn't seem to mind.
[00:50:05] Speaker D: She's going to cast word of radiance at him.
[00:50:09] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:50:09] Speaker D: And also yell, Zuris, chill the fuck out.
[00:50:13] Speaker B: You're attacking and telling me to chill out? These are mixed messages.
[00:50:17] Speaker D: Well, I want to make sure. I don't want him to attack Zerus, but I also want a chance to ask him who the hell he is before we.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: He makes his saving throw.
[00:50:26] Speaker D: Oh, damn.
[00:50:27] Speaker A: Okay, for his turn, Zuris, he holds your axe, like, in him. He just grabs the handle, makes it extra hard for you to pull the axe away to hit him again. And he looks at you straight in the eye and says, you would have been a beautiful disciple of the pox. And he hacks phlegm up at you. Zerus, give me a concave.
[00:50:46] Speaker D: All right. Fuck this, dude.
[00:50:48] Speaker B: That is a 21. I do not like you.
[00:50:51] Speaker A: It was gross. But you don't feel any more ill than you already were today. Zeros, it is your turn.
[00:50:57] Speaker B: I keep one hand on my axe, pull out my dagger with the other hand, and at hell's heart I stab at thee.
Just making sure. D, four. All right, that is a twelve to hit.
[00:51:13] Speaker A: That will hit. Just hits.
[00:51:15] Speaker B: That is eight piercing. And three radiant.
[00:51:18] Speaker A: You stab him and he again uses his other hand to sort of grab your wrist, and he will respond to your stabbing by saying, fine, I'll just go back to the plane of the dead.
[00:51:30] Speaker B: Yeah, you do that.
[00:51:33] Speaker A: Boulain and Cretan, what are you doing?
[00:51:35] Speaker D: Boulain says, that sounds like exactly where you belong. And she casts sacred flame at him, which is a deck save.
[00:51:43] Speaker A: He fails it.
[00:51:44] Speaker D: Excellent. For five points of radiant damage, she's moving the spiritual weapon down to him and hitting him with that. 22 to hit.
[00:51:51] Speaker A: That hits.
[00:51:54] Speaker D: Seven.
[00:51:55] Speaker A: Creedon.
[00:51:56] Speaker C: I think Creedon's going to try to fire off another elder splast and crit with it.
[00:52:01] Speaker D: Yay.
Yeah, it's happening.
[00:52:05] Speaker C: Six, seven. 8910 forced him.
[00:52:09] Speaker A: He falls backwards and hacks out just a lump of black. Ooze. Rolls out of his mouth and he says, all that fool had to do was wait for this empire to die.
And then he chokes and stops moving.
[00:52:27] Speaker B: I attack him again.
[00:52:29] Speaker C: Yeah, we're just getting going.
[00:52:31] Speaker D: Nothing left.
[00:52:32] Speaker A: Yeah, he seems to kind of, like, bubble a little bit under your attacks, but you don't think there's much left of this guy. He seems to be slowly turning into that green slime that is kind of everywhere, all over everyone at this point.
[00:52:48] Speaker D: Yeah. Boulain will continue to sacred flame the green slime until it has just burned away.
[00:52:54] Speaker B: What does the door look like at the moment?
[00:52:57] Speaker A: So this door you opened, it sustained a little bit of damage when it was thrust open by these tentacles, but it's in pretty good shape. Like, you could close it. But the hallway seems to go back about 20ft into a cavern that from here, appears to be made entirely of some sort of rotten kelp.
[00:53:19] Speaker B: Okay, as long as it is not getting difficult to breathe.
[00:53:25] Speaker A: It is not. I mean, it smells really bad, but you already failed that and threw up, and now you're good.
[00:53:31] Speaker D: There's nothing left in your stomach.
[00:53:33] Speaker B: I'm going to continue onward.
[00:53:34] Speaker A: Okay. You stride into what's left of this creature's lair. It looks like underneath the lake, it had hollowed out this little mud hovel.
And it appears to have just been slowly digesting bodies. There are remnant sort of bone flakes and skulls lying around, but mostly there's just rotted, greenish mushroom material just splattered everywhere. Looks like whatever corporeal form this thing held has melted.
[00:54:09] Speaker D: Boulain is going to get out her anointing oils and she's going to anoint bodies and body parts. She's not going to take her sweet ass time over this, but she is going to make sure to hit everything.
[00:54:21] Speaker A: You give it a once over. You realize that without dredging the mud out of this entire lake, you are never going to get everything, right. But you can do a cursory treatment of just what you can find on the surface. But it looks like for hundreds of years, people have been throwing bodies in this muddy river and this thing has been taking them.
[00:54:42] Speaker C: That's good for your water supply.
[00:54:44] Speaker D: Yeah, that's great.
[00:54:46] Speaker C: By the way, Creighton is not in this room with you because as soon as combat ended, she threw up, slid to the ground and started crying. Because she's never gotten that close to death. So she's just hanging out by the ladder, having a panic attack.
[00:55:00] Speaker D: Boulain left Sadie with her.
[00:55:03] Speaker C: I'm hugging this bird as long as.
[00:55:07] Speaker B: I don't sense any further presence in the den.
[00:55:11] Speaker A: No.
[00:55:12] Speaker B: I'll go back to Creedon. Help her up and help her out.
[00:55:15] Speaker A: You folks descend up to the top of.
[00:55:19] Speaker C: Descend up to the top.
[00:55:20] Speaker D: Ascend up to the top.
[00:55:22] Speaker A: Ascend up to the top floor of this warehouse where you see the massacre you left here from last time we recorded.
Oops, just moments ago.
[00:55:32] Speaker D: Boulain will also anoint those bodies before we go out, just because that's what she does.
[00:55:37] Speaker A: And you are back in the fresh night air. There is something odly fresh about it, actually. Like it still smells like rotten mud and dead fish, like it always did. But there is just something less oppressive in the air now.
[00:55:52] Speaker D: Is there any sign of water returning?
[00:55:55] Speaker A: Not yet.
[00:55:55] Speaker D: Okay, because I'm guessing this thing was damning the water up. Yeah, well, this place was in bad need of some fresh air.
[00:56:04] Speaker B: Yes. I need a rest.
[00:56:08] Speaker D: I think we all do.
[00:56:09] Speaker B: It's been a bit of an overtaxing day.
[00:56:14] Speaker D: Agreed. It's also the middle of the night, isn't it? Didn't we start? It is hours of the we're.
[00:56:23] Speaker B: So I'm headed to my room in the inn and we will take a long rest.
[00:56:29] Speaker A: Yes, take a nice long rest.
[00:56:31] Speaker D: A much needed long rest.
Holy crap. Boulain will put her arm around Creedon as we go and say, creedon is.
[00:56:39] Speaker C: So shook she doesn't even like press the digitation or close. She can't even think of cleaning herself up.
[00:56:45] Speaker D: Yeah. Elaine will put her arm around her shoulders and say, well, now you know what that is like.
[00:56:53] Speaker C: Creedon says, thank you, and you will.
[00:56:55] Speaker D: Be more prepared next time.
[00:56:59] Speaker A: Experiences how good it is to live in unprecedented times.
Creedon, you are sleeping.
[00:57:15] Speaker C: Oh, great.
[00:57:17] Speaker D: We killed that ghost.
[00:57:18] Speaker C: Can't even have a 9th night of. We destroyed the Horcrux.
[00:57:23] Speaker A: You hear a faint whisper in your mind as you're dreaming and you imagine this forest scene and it actually looks really familiar.
You recognize in the distance, Palmville. And in the forest you see Max, the tall, lanky, sort of 19 year old barbarian.
[00:57:43] Speaker C: He's from the sharp edge of the pub, right?
[00:57:45] Speaker A: Yes, from the sharp edge of the pub. And next to Max is chastity. Chastity, of course, still has found some kind of medieval hairspray to make her hair into a helmet.
[00:57:57] Speaker D: Egg whites and flour.
[00:58:00] Speaker A: Some sort of like undead creature has been slashed to pieces at their feet. And you see Max say, got him.
One more down.
And Chastity says, why did you send dread away? And Max says, well, you know, I just kind of wanted some alone time. She goes, oh, and she leans in and gives him a big kiss on the cheek. And the scene sort of fades away and you hear, good work.
Good work.
Not the couple I thought you'd bring together, but well done.
[00:58:39] Speaker C: Don't love.
[00:58:40] Speaker D: Oh.
Creedon's crushes are hooking up with each other.
[00:58:46] Speaker C: They are my crushes. I just think they're.
[00:58:52] Speaker A: Hmm.
[00:58:52] Speaker B: A likely story.
[00:58:53] Speaker A: Morning comes round.
[00:58:55] Speaker D: Yeah. Boulain is probably up before the other two because she only takes 4 hours, so she's down eating her breakfast.
[00:59:01] Speaker A: The innkeeper comes in, and he looks noticeably healthier, like the color in his face has returned. He lays down some bread for you and walks over to the door and opens it up and goes, you don't see that every day.
[00:59:18] Speaker D: What is that?
[00:59:19] Speaker A: There's water in the lake.
[00:59:20] Speaker D: She comes up behind him and she says, oh, it refilled.
[00:59:24] Speaker A: There's not a lot of water in the lake yet. There will be more, but it has a middle that is slowly filling in, and you can see water trickling in from the far side.
It'll be a couple of days, you think? But there's water.
[00:59:38] Speaker B: I still eat nothing.
[00:59:42] Speaker D: I think things might be looking up for this town.
[00:59:45] Speaker A: Xeris, give me a concave for your.
[00:59:47] Speaker D: Cold advantage because I made you a thing.
[00:59:51] Speaker B: All right. It's a 16 and a 16. I have a 16. Okay.
[00:59:57] Speaker A: Yeah, you've mostly kicked it. It seems to be a 24 hours flu bug. You've pretty much gotten that out of your system.
[01:00:02] Speaker D: A 24 hours pox, you could say.
[01:00:06] Speaker A: Just a little plague on the side. You head to, I assume, the arch sage's place.
[01:00:13] Speaker B: Yes, that's correct. Was there any kind of anything that didn't turn to slime that could be used as a proof of kill?
[01:00:23] Speaker A: Nothing that you would want to touch.
[01:00:26] Speaker B: Okay. Fair enough.
[01:00:27] Speaker D: I think the lake refilling and the fresh air is probably enough to probably prove that the problem is gone.
[01:00:36] Speaker A: When you get to the door of the arch sage's house, it opens as you're walking up to it and you see the butler who says, oh, you're back again.
Welcome. How did it go this time?
[01:00:50] Speaker B: Much better.
[01:00:51] Speaker D: We won. Barely.
[01:00:54] Speaker A: Good.
Well, one out of three is not bad. Come on in.
[01:00:58] Speaker B: One out of three visits, I guess. I don't know. I'm coming in.
[01:01:05] Speaker C: Yeah, I'll go in as well.
[01:01:08] Speaker A: He says the arch sage is expecting you, and he walks you directly to the study. Not the bottom of his tower, but the actual study room. And when you walk in sitting in the study is an old man. He's got, like, a big white beard and a sort of scraggly, crazy man's hairstyle and weird professorial eyebrows that sort of go in every direction. And he's wearing this sort of like, really old fashioned purple robe.
[01:01:36] Speaker D: I see your backfired spell wore off.
[01:01:39] Speaker A: Yes, it did. Yes, it did.
So might I assume that your return is a success?
[01:01:46] Speaker D: Did you look at the lake?
[01:01:48] Speaker A: I have been told there's water in it.
[01:01:50] Speaker D: There is indeed. And fresher air outside.
[01:01:53] Speaker A: With that, he looks over to his butler and says, go ahead and draft my resignation and hand the letter over to these people. I'd like you to take that letter with you up to Tuscan. If you could deliver it to Tanglebeard, I would appreciate it.
[01:02:08] Speaker D: Your resignation?
[01:02:09] Speaker A: I was only here to keep that thing from eating the place. And that thing is dead. Which means the world has no need for an art sage mason anymore.
[01:02:21] Speaker D: Where will you go?
[01:02:22] Speaker A: Well, we have a Vecna on the loose, so I'm going to go try to find that.
[01:02:27] Speaker B: What do you mean, on the loose?
[01:02:28] Speaker D: Because we banished him from Palmville.
[01:02:32] Speaker B: We banished a Vecna?
[01:02:35] Speaker A: You mentioned that there was a book that disappeared, and I suspect that that was what remains of Vecna's Horcrux. So Vecna will be back. That is my next duty. And I don't know where it's going to take me. But the treaty I signed with the clerics of brother ambition when they took over old Fenrir says I got to keep this place until I died. So if you could just tell everybody Arch Sage Mason has died.
[01:03:06] Speaker B: Is that with or without your letter of resignation that we say that?
[01:03:10] Speaker A: Oh, the letter of resignation actually is a letter indicating my death. Here you go.
[01:03:16] Speaker D: Boulain takes it and reads it.
[01:03:18] Speaker B: All right.
[01:03:18] Speaker A: Yeah. It says, I regret to inform you I have finally fallen ill. This will be the end of me. Please send a replacement immediately.
[01:03:27] Speaker B: Okay.
[01:03:28] Speaker C: Fair enough.
[01:03:29] Speaker D: Should we expect to hear from you with news or business about the silver thread?
[01:03:34] Speaker A: Well, you're officially agents, so I will contact you when I have a lead.
But until then, keep your eyes and ears out for catastrophically negative consequences, and you will surely find a vestige trying to maintain its godhood in this world.
[01:03:54] Speaker B: I will forever be on the lookout for those.
[01:03:57] Speaker A: He stands up and says, if you'll excuse me. He walks across the room, snaps his fingers, and in his hand appears a cube, just a little two inch by two inch by two inch metal, six sided dice, if you will. And he sets it into his pocket and says, butler, the house is yours.
I believe the deed is around here somewhere. Just sign it over to yourself.
[01:04:23] Speaker C: Me over here writing down. I think the art stage is.
[01:04:28] Speaker D: Think. I think Boulain takes a gamble that the art stage, being as old as he is, probably speaks Elvish. And she says, we will look forward to hearing from you, Lord Darren.
[01:04:38] Speaker A: He smiles and says, also in Elvish, I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. And he turns and with his little cube in his pocket, waves and says, if you'll excuse me. And he snaps his fingers and he's gone.
Just gone.
[01:04:55] Speaker C: Trixie.
[01:04:56] Speaker D: Well, we can report what he looks like, right? Was that not one of the jobs.
[01:05:00] Speaker A: We were given, finding out the true identity of sage Mason?
[01:05:04] Speaker D: We have done that, too.
[01:05:06] Speaker A: Was one of the things you were asked to do. Although I don't know if you want to turn that question now.
[01:05:11] Speaker D: Yeah, that's questionable, because it would have.
[01:05:14] Speaker A: Paid you, like, 25 gold, maybe.
[01:05:17] Speaker D: And we've got, like, 300 gold apiece.
[01:05:19] Speaker C: Let's tell it to the reporter.
[01:05:24] Speaker D: I think we might not have a pleasant encounter with Darren if we were to do that.
Well, shall we go?
[01:05:34] Speaker B: We should.
[01:05:34] Speaker A: As you leave the manor house, the whole tower is gone.
[01:05:38] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[01:05:39] Speaker B: As though someone magically conjured it with.
[01:05:42] Speaker D: A cube or something.
[01:05:45] Speaker C: We're walking out. I want to say to Xeris and Boulain, in the church of divine mercy, they taught me a lot about coping with death of loved ones and about life, but not much about taking it. And not much about coping with your own mortality. How do you get used to it?
[01:06:07] Speaker D: I have made mortality my profession. Creedon. Why? That is a long story.
When you tend to the bodies of the dead and console their families for a living, inevitably you spend time reckoning with, eventually your own death.
[01:06:29] Speaker B: I try to take lives I don't have to think about later.
[01:06:33] Speaker D: Xeris's advice is perhaps not the best you could take now.
And she says, I try to do right by the living, and if I take their lives, I try to do right by them once they are dead. And that is the best I can do.
[01:06:50] Speaker C: Well, I've got a lot to think about. Let's go.
[01:06:54] Speaker D: Let's go kill some more things.
[01:07:03] Speaker A: As our heroes depart the town of Northbank, our eye catches a newspaper from the capital of Astragar at the local inn. Interesting enough, our characters seem to be missing at least two days of time. Perhaps they won't even notice as they march on to their next adventure.
And that is our show today. Special thanks to Todd Ferguson of my pet machine for our tunes and Julie at elaborate Flight of fancy for our logo, as well as author Tim beach, who penned the original town of North bank in the early 1990s. Don't forget to leave us a rating and review. And with that, what will our character's trip back through Sternheim hold? Next time on carrots and suffering.
