Episode Transcript
[00:00:33] Speaker A: Welcome to carrots and suffering. A D and D odyssey. I am Nate, your dungeon master. For the next hour, dont forget to leave us a rating and review.
Last time on carrots and suffering. Our heroes make a deal with eternal knowledge, God of pacts and bargains. And then promptly make a plan to fulfill the letter of the deal at the gods expense. I will grant you the location of this item if you are willing to do me a service Lord Elarion stole from my court. A contract that binds a great beast to his service. The contract must be retrieved or destroyed.
[00:01:15] Speaker B: And instead of that, what I can do is take the contract that makes the bearer of the contract, the controller of the creature, write a new contract that exchanges that control. And then destroy the old one.
[00:01:26] Speaker C: Oh, and we could get the new contract as our boon from eternal cycle.
[00:01:30] Speaker B: No. We leave it where it is because we don't want to fuck with what the gods want. I don't. I'm not doing what these people want. I'm leaving the status quo.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: After sub negotiation, our heroes agree to defend Lord Elarion while he forges himself a new contract for approximately ten rounds. And no sooner has this exercise begun than that the assassins arrive.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: Keep your contract. Write another contract that again passes control of the creature and supersedes the existing contract.
One, you could write the new contract to your stipulations. And while you couldn't create more power from the contract, you could at least retain the power you have in a more ironclad way. And then you could hand the dead contract to us, which we will destroy in front of you.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Hmm.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: You retain your power through the entire time. The old contract is no longer in contest because we've destroyed it. That fulfills our bargain with other individuals.
Without changing the status quo, there will.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: Be a short period of time. Well, one contract is being written and signed.
Where the other contracts, power will wane, and I will be vulnerable.
If you agree to defend me during this time, I can agree to this plan of yours. And the payment of a feather will be paid in full. Let's get into it.
Let me set a stage here.
Just because I forgot about fireballs.
[00:03:18] Speaker C: Did you forget about fireballs?
[00:03:21] Speaker A: Well, it's not that I forgot about fireball. I just. I need to be clear where you're at before you throw a lot of fireballs in the library.
[00:03:29] Speaker C: It's not mine. I mean, if it's a bunch of.
[00:03:31] Speaker D: Ice, you could melt the ice with the fireball. And I can control water and do a lot of damage with that.
[00:03:36] Speaker C: Hell, yeah.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: You are in a throne room of dark stone. It appears to be about 60 by 60ft. It has columns running through it in a line. Everywhere in this room are these sort of gloomy, shady figures. So appearing smack in the middle of the room are these three Eladrin. If you throw a fireball, you will not hit Alarion, nor the three gloomy figures behind him, nor the members of your party. You will, however, hit probably ten or so of these other shadowy figures looming about the throne room.
[00:04:18] Speaker C: Like, are they aggressive or are they defending?
[00:04:22] Speaker A: They look like courtiers.
[00:04:23] Speaker B: They're members of a Larian's court, okay?
[00:04:26] Speaker C: They're non combatants at the moment, okay?
[00:04:28] Speaker D: But they belong here, and we would be breaking the rules of hospitality if we hurt them.
[00:04:34] Speaker C: Well, then fuck thistlebrush. I'm gonna polymorphine.
Okay.
[00:04:40] Speaker D: T rex it is.
[00:04:41] Speaker B: While we're talking about proximity, and I also want to remind people, you do need to start saying if you end your turn near Zerus or away from Zerus to know if you're benefiting from the aura or not.
[00:04:55] Speaker C: I am planning on running and hiding because I am hasted, and I want to keep that rolling, and I can.
[00:05:00] Speaker B: Do it away from siris, no problem.
[00:05:02] Speaker C: I am running as far away from the combatants as I can after I polymorph this.
[00:05:06] Speaker D: If Zerus runs into a melee fight, I am probably not gonna stay by his side.
[00:05:12] Speaker C: Okay, so he's gonna make a wisdom saving throw.
If he's a shape changer, he isn't affected by this spell, and it'll be very sad that I blew a spell slot on it.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: He is not a shape changer.
[00:05:22] Speaker D: Ha ha.
[00:05:23] Speaker C: The DC is 17. I hope his wisdom is incredible.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: He fails the save.
All right, he gets a six.
[00:05:31] Speaker C: I mean, the sheep is the easy choice. Have I seen any fun animals here that I can polymorph him into?
[00:05:35] Speaker A: No, not yet.
[00:05:36] Speaker C: I'm gonna make him a cute cat. Can I do that?
[00:05:39] Speaker A: Sure, yeah.
[00:05:41] Speaker C: Eat it, thistle guy.
[00:05:43] Speaker A: Thistle becomes a cat, and then I.
[00:05:45] Speaker C: Run as far away from them as I can and try to hide.
[00:05:48] Speaker A: You run into a crowd of people next to a pillar and hide, assassin's creed style. That brings us to one of the guys behind the throne. Immediately fades into a shadow and appears on the ceiling above him, like dangling from a chandelier, and then drops onto.
[00:06:12] Speaker D: Oh, shit.
[00:06:13] Speaker A: A Larian with a spiked chain. I will note that this is one of his people.
[00:06:17] Speaker C: Oh, I should have fireballed them.
[00:06:20] Speaker B: Let's see.
[00:06:21] Speaker A: He gets to make three of these. The first one's a miss. The second one's a miss.
The third one appears to be a hit. And this spiked chain wraps around Elarion, doing ten damage and grappling him. That brings us to Boulain.
[00:06:40] Speaker D: Okay, since Boulain is still standing right next to Elarion, she is going to touch the dreamlike person and cast inflict wounds on him.
[00:06:49] Speaker A: Okay, roll to touch him.
[00:06:52] Speaker D: That is a 16.
[00:06:54] Speaker A: That just hits his armor class.
[00:06:56] Speaker D: Great. So that's 1112, 1314 necrotic damage.
[00:07:01] Speaker A: Okay. It is not as effective as you would have.
[00:07:04] Speaker D: Damn it.
[00:07:04] Speaker A: Believed it to be. That brings us to Zerus.
[00:07:08] Speaker B: So there are three kind of in a small group in the middle of the room.
[00:07:12] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:07:13] Speaker B: And one on the back of a Larian.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:07:17] Speaker B: Can you tell me the distance between a larian and the center of the room? 30ft ish.
[00:07:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:21] Speaker B: Love it. Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and sprint back to attack the one on a Larian. I will use my bonus action to cast Hunter's mark. And then I will proceed to murder him. I'm going to make an attack and I get to choose on hit. If I'm going to smite, though, I'm probably going to smite.
[00:07:45] Speaker C: I'll make sure not to hurt the cat.
[00:07:50] Speaker B: I've hit an ac of 23.
[00:07:53] Speaker A: Yeah, that hits.
[00:07:55] Speaker B: So that is an obnoxious one. Point of slashing damage. I need to change that. Die out, though. Six points of Hunter damage. Ten points of slashing. 612, 1825 points of radiant.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: So that is a total of 35.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: Okay, is he looking hurty now or.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: Now he is injured? Yes, very much so.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: Yes. I will slice him again. Oh, my God. Hold on. 26.
[00:08:21] Speaker C: Put a little happy smite there.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: Just a little happy smite.
[00:08:25] Speaker B: Exactly. So that is eleven slashing and six radiant for a total of 17.
[00:08:32] Speaker A: Okay, he is badly injured but still functioning.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: Okay, we're gonna stab him again with haste.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:08:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
Haste and paladin, tear everyone up.
[00:08:43] Speaker D: Terrifying.
[00:08:44] Speaker B: Natural 14. That's a 21 to hit.
I will throw another little smite at him. Minimal, minimal damage. That is five slashing and three radiant for a total of eight.
[00:08:55] Speaker A: All right, he is standing sorta. The princess Elaryon's wife says, oh, hospitality is violated. And points a finger at Cretin Anita's stealth roll.
[00:09:08] Speaker C: I also a quick point of order. I forgot that polymorph is also concentrated. And so I would have broken concentration on haste, which I would not have intended to do so.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: Oh, well, you should pretend that that didn't happen and do a different action now that I will then.
[00:09:23] Speaker D: Copy.
[00:09:24] Speaker A: Over.
[00:09:24] Speaker C: Yeah. Thank you. I'm sorry about that. Instead of that one, I would. You know what? I'll just do a magic missile and keep it easy. But I'll hit the same barred guy that I went for.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:09:36] Speaker C: I am going to cast magic missile on thistledown.
I'll do it at a second level. Why not get a little extra damage in? And so that'll be four darts.
That is. Oh, that's pretty good. 14 force damage.
[00:09:53] Speaker A: And then give me your stealth roll as you run to hide.
[00:09:56] Speaker C: That is.
[00:09:58] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:09:59] Speaker C: Not good. Eight.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: The queen can see you also, how.
[00:10:02] Speaker C: Did I violate hospitality? Yeah, I know.
[00:10:05] Speaker D: We were being attacked.
[00:10:06] Speaker C: This guy just showed up. You, like, teleported in here?
[00:10:08] Speaker D: I guess. They didn't specifically attack.
[00:10:11] Speaker B: I violated hospitality.
[00:10:13] Speaker C: Yeah, but why are they going for me?
[00:10:14] Speaker A: At this juncture, all three of you have attacked someone.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: Two. The people that Creedon attacked are not members of the house.
[00:10:21] Speaker A: That is true.
[00:10:22] Speaker C: They invaded the space.
[00:10:24] Speaker D: They haven't attacked anybody yet.
[00:10:26] Speaker C: They weren't invited in. Hospitality doesn't apply if people show up in your house.
[00:10:29] Speaker D: That's true. That's true. They were not invited.
[00:10:33] Speaker B: Well, they may have been. Like. We don't know if they were or not.
[00:10:36] Speaker A: I think the fairest interpretation of this is she can get away legally. With attacking Zerus.
[00:10:42] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: Zerus, give me a constitution saving. Yeah, sure.
[00:10:46] Speaker B: Is she casting a spell?
[00:10:47] Speaker A: It is, yes.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: Is she near me? Like, I can hit her with my sword.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: You had her step back from you in a Larian.
[00:10:53] Speaker B: So, okay, so she still stepped back. Sure. Sweet love it.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: 17 DC was 16, so you're gonna take half of the damage as she casts blight.
[00:11:03] Speaker D: Oh, damn.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: Sweet love it.
[00:11:05] Speaker D: Flight is. Oh, God. That one's wild.
[00:11:08] Speaker B: I will make a concentration check for my spell. Rolling a fucking 25.
[00:11:13] Speaker A: Half of this is 17 damage, and you will succeed at your concentration check.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: If you want to see hospitality broken lady, I'll show you what that looks like.
[00:11:21] Speaker D: I do have a question, though. Because Zerus attacked the thing that was attacking Alerian.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: Just because he's breaking hospitality doesn't give me permission to break hospitality.
[00:11:35] Speaker D: I see. Okay.
[00:11:36] Speaker A: Also, you should assume that things are not necessarily what they seem. But everything being said is truthful. Because fairies.
[00:11:45] Speaker D: Because fucking fairies.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: Elarion just sort of blinks and he's on the other side of a writing surface. Having finished one page, he has turned the page over, but he's actually moved himself around the table out of melee range. In that blink, the lighting in the room shifts to twilight. Fairly ignorable for you all. And that is Alaryn's turn. Bringing us to who you assume was Alaryan's butler steps out from behind his throne and says, oh, no. A violation of hospitality.
[00:12:21] Speaker C: Christ.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: And he points a finger and casts finger of death.
[00:12:26] Speaker B: If he is next to the throne.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: He is closer to you.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: Yes, go on and cast your finger. Death.
[00:12:33] Speaker A: Zerus, I need yet again a constitution saving throw.
[00:12:37] Speaker B: That is a 20. Natural 20.
[00:12:40] Speaker A: So 26 of 78 plus 30.
[00:12:44] Speaker B: And then I'm going to murder this guy. Cause I have mage Slayer take 30.
[00:12:48] Speaker A: Damage from the erotic.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: All right.
[00:12:51] Speaker A: As the finger of death spell goes off, and then you may take your reaction.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: I will use my reaction to stab him.
All right. I have hit a 19.
[00:13:03] Speaker A: That hits.
[00:13:04] Speaker B: Okay. And it is nine slashing. And 18 radiant.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: Okay. He takes all that brings us to thistledown, and the two people with him snap their hands together. And a massive wave of cold rolls from Elarion out in a cone, rolling across most of the throne room. I need a dexterity saving throw from literally everybody.
[00:13:29] Speaker C: Oh, man.
[00:13:30] Speaker B: People with haste have advantage.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: If it helps or makes you feel any better, he hits all three of these people who have been attacking you.
[00:13:39] Speaker C: 14.
[00:13:41] Speaker D: Four.
[00:13:41] Speaker A: The DC is going to be 16. So I believe, Zerus, you succeed and will take half of this.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: This is why you stand next to the paladin.
[00:13:52] Speaker C: I thought if I was hiding I would be fine.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. You're getting a lot of fire.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: It's an area of effect, unfortunately. Fail. Fail.
[00:14:03] Speaker C: How big is this room?
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Well, it was 60ft by 60ft. And now it's an ice cream cone because. Cone of cold. It's a 60 foot cone. So it. It eats the whole room, by the way. You see creatures dying all over the place.
Huge swaths of death, as all of these shadowy creatures just get crushed and frozen into popsicles. If you made the save, you take twelve. If you failed it, you take 24.
[00:14:30] Speaker C: Cold damage for concentration.
That would be.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: The guy that originally jumped off the chandelier is dead.
[00:14:38] Speaker D: Excellent.
[00:14:39] Speaker C: Haste is gone. I got a seven.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: When haste goes away, what happens when the spell ends?
[00:14:45] Speaker C: The target can't move or take actions until after its next turn as a wave of lethargy sweeps over it. So both of us are pretty fucked.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Yep. That's not great. Maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you shouldn't cast ace on yourself next time so that you can at least reuphaste or something.
[00:14:59] Speaker C: Well, it was going to be useful for us.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: I mean, it was.
[00:15:03] Speaker C: Do a 60 foot area of effect.
[00:15:05] Speaker D: But, hey, the room is now covered in ice. So if you do a fireball now, since everybody apparently hates us in this.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: Room, it'll be steamy.
[00:15:12] Speaker D: It'll be steamy. And then I can cast control water.
[00:15:15] Speaker C: At least I'm hidden.
[00:15:17] Speaker D: Nate, is it clear that everyone in this room is now hostile?
[00:15:20] Speaker A: Like everybody who has been mentioned is hostile? So the second Eladrin runs to the side of the room and cone of colds the other half of all these pedestrians. No one needs to roll a saving throw out of all of you. But the rest of them are now popsicles. And thistledown runs up and pokes our dear Eladrin friend with a sword. And it doesn't seem to be going well for him because every time there's a little blink and he's just not quite where he was a moment ago. And that brings us to the end of round one.
[00:15:53] Speaker D: Okay, we have to do this nine more times.
[00:15:55] Speaker C: This is not going well. So far, this is going very badly. I can't move or take actions during my turn, so I don't do anything.
[00:16:08] Speaker A: I guess you were kind of hiding behind a pillar, and now you're a little cold. Yeah, and your haste wore off.
[00:16:16] Speaker B: When haste drops.
[00:16:18] Speaker D: Oh, you can't. You can't do anything.
[00:16:19] Speaker B: After haste drops, the target can't move or take actions.
[00:16:24] Speaker D: Oh, no. So that's zeros, too, huh?
[00:16:26] Speaker C: Well, this is part of why I was hiding.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: For how long?
[00:16:31] Speaker C: For one round?
[00:16:32] Speaker B: For one turn? It's just around.
[00:16:33] Speaker C: Okay, okay.
[00:16:34] Speaker A: That's not so bad. Okay, Creedon, you're. You chill. You chill.
[00:16:37] Speaker C: No, we're not.
[00:16:39] Speaker D: Bulayne, how hurt is Zuras?
[00:16:43] Speaker B: I am at 17 of 76 hit points.
[00:16:45] Speaker D: Oh, my God.
[00:16:46] Speaker B: So, less than a third of my remaining hit points.
[00:16:50] Speaker C: Oh, no. We really stepped in it now, gang.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: In one round, I lost 60 hit points and I made every save.
[00:16:59] Speaker C: What can the green man do for us here?
[00:17:00] Speaker B: My action would have been to heal.
[00:17:03] Speaker A: Myself, but you can't do it.
[00:17:05] Speaker D: Okay, so I'm going to cast word of radiance, which is going to affect everybody within 5ft of me.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: You can hit either the two gloomy guys or two of the winter Eladron.
[00:17:17] Speaker D: I'll go for two of the winter Eladron. And they need to make con saves the DC 16.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: Fail.
[00:17:22] Speaker A: Fail.
[00:17:23] Speaker D: So they each take nine radiant damage. As a bonus action, I'm going to cast healing word on zeros every little bit. Right. That is ten points. Healing.
[00:17:36] Speaker B: Great. I will take the ten.
[00:17:38] Speaker D: And she's also hoping to pull attention to her so that they don't wail on Zerus when he can't do nothing.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: Zerus? The guy who was attacking you. He was killed by a cone of cold. So he's actually like an ice cube of a man in front of you. What are you doing with. Your turn.
[00:17:52] Speaker B: How's the butler doing?
[00:17:53] Speaker A: The butler is pretty badly injured. The queen is a little cold, I think.
[00:17:59] Speaker B: That's it.
[00:17:59] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:18:01] Speaker B: I turn into a yeti.
[00:18:03] Speaker C: What?
[00:18:05] Speaker B: I. As loud as I can while I'm incapacitated, yell out, you owe me, you son of a bitch. To the green man and requests that he cast shape change on me to turn me into a yeti.
[00:18:24] Speaker C: Awesome. I'm so happy we finally used one.
[00:18:27] Speaker B: Okay, that's. That's it. That's all. I can't. I'm tired yeti.
[00:18:31] Speaker A: You're a sleepy yeti.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: I'm a sleepy yeti.
[00:18:33] Speaker A: It's gonna bring us to the princess, who scowls, having been frozen. Wiggles her fingers and thistledown explodes.
[00:18:44] Speaker D: Wah.
[00:18:45] Speaker C: Get him.
[00:18:46] Speaker A: I'm sorry.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: The princess.
[00:18:47] Speaker D: The knight.
[00:18:48] Speaker C: Lady Queen.
[00:18:49] Speaker B: Is this not the same person who cast blight on me?
[00:18:52] Speaker A: It is, yes.
[00:18:53] Speaker D: The dreamweaver lady.
[00:18:55] Speaker C: She apparently doesn't really want him to live.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: She doesn't appear to be on Elarian's side, but she is quite upset that someone froze her face.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: I see.
[00:19:06] Speaker A: So she does 50 damage by rolling really well on a blight spell to thistledown, who just eats it but stays standing. Shockingly, that's gonna bring us to Elarion. He blinks further around the table, having completed another page almost instantly. The butler, a little surprised that Zerus fucking wrecked him.
He casts chain lightning.
[00:19:35] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: On who?
[00:19:37] Speaker A: Well, it starts with you. Let's see what happens after that.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: I was gonna say, does chain lightning, like, chain chain from that target to nearby ones?
[00:19:47] Speaker A: It does, yeah. You create a bolt of lightning that arc towards a target of your choice that you can see within range, three bolts. Then leap from that target to as many as three other targets, each of which must be within 30ft of the first target. The target can be a creature or object. Can target by one ball?
[00:20:03] Speaker B: Oh, it can be an. It can be an object.
[00:20:04] Speaker A: Okay, Zerus, please give me a dexterity saving throw. And then I think the other three targets are going to be the three Eladrin in the room who have sent these stupid cone of colds around.
[00:20:17] Speaker B: Awesome. I love it. That is a much less good 15.
[00:20:23] Speaker A: Fail, fail, fail, fail. DC was 16. You will fail. Ten d. Eight. Comes to 40 damage.
[00:20:28] Speaker D: Oh, my God. Wait, you're down, aren't you?
[00:20:31] Speaker C: Oh, you're Yeti. You're a yeti.
[00:20:33] Speaker B: Yup. Yup. That's one of the reasons why I decided to use wild chip.
Yeah, that brings the yeti out of triple digits. I mean, that's all.
[00:20:41] Speaker A: Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. When the Eladrin are hit, there's this ricochet of cold damage that seems to just bounce around the room hitting this butler who fails to save. Fails to save. Fails to save.
[00:20:58] Speaker D: This is a shit show. What were we thinking?
[00:21:03] Speaker A: Just the crossfire from hell seems to be going off in this room because.
[00:21:07] Speaker D: We'Re about to die. We're about to beef it.
[00:21:11] Speaker C: We're really screwing the pooch on this one, man.
[00:21:14] Speaker B: I think this is going great. I don't know what you're talking about.
[00:21:16] Speaker C: I decided to really use haste and then I just fucked it all up.
[00:21:21] Speaker B: You didn't fuck?
[00:21:21] Speaker A: No, the one Eladrin who didn't. Cone of cold yet. Cone of colds. The whole room.
[00:21:25] Speaker D: Oh, the fuck.
[00:21:26] Speaker A: Everybody give me a dexterity saving.
[00:21:28] Speaker B: I'm immune to cold.
[00:21:29] Speaker C: Damn, I like that. I wanted to fireball these bitches and you were like, no, don't fireball everybody. I want a cone of cold. You all instead. You're a monster.
[00:21:37] Speaker D: Nate, I think I got a 14. Which I think is still not enough, right?
[00:21:43] Speaker A: 14 is not enough.
[00:21:45] Speaker C: 14 still not enough.
[00:21:47] Speaker B: I got yeti fur.
[00:21:48] Speaker C: Next time I want a fireball, I'm just gonna do it.
[00:21:50] Speaker B: Yeah, you should just pull the trigger.
[00:21:52] Speaker C: Fuck. Everybody else in this room.
[00:21:54] Speaker A: That is 37 cold damage.
[00:21:56] Speaker D: Oh, my God.
[00:21:57] Speaker C: Oh, Jesus.
[00:21:58] Speaker B: After two Kona colds. If I get. If it's. If it's snowy terrain. Now I get advantage on stealth checks.
[00:22:03] Speaker C: Creedness, four gp.
[00:22:04] Speaker A: Might be time to use that green man miracle.
[00:22:07] Speaker C: Never.
I'm saving it in forever.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: Two other Eladrin run at this guy and try to stab him. Which guy succeeding in stabbing elarion.
[00:22:19] Speaker D: Oh, shit.
[00:22:20] Speaker C: No.
[00:22:22] Speaker A: Which brings us to the end of round two.
[00:22:25] Speaker C: Creiden, how is Elrian looking?
[00:22:29] Speaker A: Fine.
[00:22:29] Speaker C: Oh, well, that's good because I'm not.
How many people can I hit with a fireball?
[00:22:35] Speaker A: Everyone.
[00:22:36] Speaker B: You can hit one yeti with a haste.
[00:22:38] Speaker C: Actually, maybe I should haste the yeti. I'm scared of what'll happen if I do it again. Especially because I'm about to die. Wait a minute. Why haven't I been counter spelling these? Oh, my God. Sometimes I don't know how to be a sorcerer because I'm not used to it.
[00:22:51] Speaker B: I'm just gonna put out there. Yetis don't like fireballs.
[00:22:56] Speaker C: Why do. I'm not gonna fireball you.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: How many people can I hit? Choice.
[00:23:01] Speaker A: You can successfully hit the butler and the queen, or you can hit the three Eladrin.
[00:23:08] Speaker C: I think I'm gonna fireball the three Eladrin. I don't know if it's the best use to my spells, but I don't know.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: What's your save?
[00:23:14] Speaker C: DC it is 17.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: One success, two failures.
[00:23:19] Speaker C: All right, that is 17, 2029.
[00:23:25] Speaker A: Okay. Thistledown dies as he is lit on fire.
[00:23:30] Speaker C: I never trusted him.
[00:23:31] Speaker A: Winter. Ladryn, don't do so good with fire.
[00:23:34] Speaker C: Good.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: The other two are still up, but, like. Owie, owie, owie. Boulain.
[00:23:38] Speaker D: Boulain is gonna cast mass cure wounds on Zerus cretin herself and Delaryan. Okay, is 20.
Everybody gets 20 points back.
[00:23:48] Speaker C: All right.
[00:23:49] Speaker B: Outstanding.
[00:23:50] Speaker D: Not that, you know, the yeti fucking needed it, but whatever.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: While I'm at it, Cirus, there's a butler right next to you that's just like clinging on to life.
[00:23:58] Speaker B: I will gaze at him.
[00:24:01] Speaker A: He's turned on.
[00:24:02] Speaker D: You could do something.
[00:24:03] Speaker C: Please.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: Make a DC 18 constitution safe.
[00:24:07] Speaker A: I don't.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: Okay. Please. Do you take cold damage?
[00:24:11] Speaker A: Yes, I do.
[00:24:12] Speaker B: 10, 20, 31 points of cold damage. And if you're alive, you're paralyzed for a minute.
[00:24:18] Speaker A: He's dead.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: He should repeat the saving throughout the end of each of his turns.
[00:24:25] Speaker D: I feel like you're reading of his Miranda rights, but they're like death rights.
[00:24:29] Speaker B: And then I will stock up to the queen, and I will show her my hospitality. With two claw attacks. The first one is a 18 to hit.
[00:24:38] Speaker A: That hits.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: Okay. And the second one is 20 to hit that. It's 48.
[00:24:43] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:24:44] Speaker B: From two yeti claws.
[00:24:46] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:24:47] Speaker B: She's.
[00:24:47] Speaker A: She's injured.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: That's me. And I'm a yeti. In her face.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: That's Yeti. Yeti bad. Yeti bad.
[00:24:55] Speaker D: You ain't seen nothing. Yeti.
[00:24:57] Speaker A: She's gonna turn invisible.
[00:24:58] Speaker D: Oh, no.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: She casts a spell next to you, Zirius. Your reaction afterwards.
[00:25:03] Speaker B: It is after the spell is cast.
[00:25:04] Speaker A: Hey, you have disadvantage on your attack. Because she's invisible.
[00:25:07] Speaker C: I do not like it.
[00:25:08] Speaker B: The first roll is an 18. The second roll is a one.
[00:25:13] Speaker A: So I miss, you miss. Okay. She turns invisible and moves, presumably Elarion. He looks up and all of the shadows around the room flicker. And then, like blades of darkness, reach out of them and start stabbing these eladrine. They each take 20 damage. And then time seems to blink for a moment. He's at a different spot at the table. Having completed another page. Brings us down to the last two eladrin, who are beat the hell up.
[00:25:44] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:25:45] Speaker A: Ice storm.
[00:25:46] Speaker C: What? No.
[00:25:50] Speaker D: You're gonna ice storm. Oh, these fuckers.
[00:25:53] Speaker B: That's excellent. Get the invisible queen.
[00:25:56] Speaker C: Who cares where she is, what level that is, but I might have to counter spell that.
[00:25:59] Speaker A: Two of them are gonna cast ice storm. You can counter spell one of them.
[00:26:02] Speaker C: Pack both of them. Yeah, I'm gonna do a fourth level counter spell. It's the best I can do on one of them.
[00:26:09] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:26:09] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:26:09] Speaker A: That spell does not go off. You successfully counter spell it. The second one, I need a dexterity saving throw from everybody in the room, including my bad guys.
[00:26:18] Speaker D: Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh.
[00:26:20] Speaker C: 1717 on this one, I'm failing every save I gotta.
[00:26:26] Speaker D: But she's real cute when she slips on the ice.
[00:26:28] Speaker C: Literally every save.
[00:26:31] Speaker D: This fight, that's the first one I've made. So.
[00:26:34] Speaker A: So if you make the save, it's seven cold damage. If you don't, it's 15 cold damage.
[00:26:39] Speaker C: All right, I'm still kicking in my.
[00:26:40] Speaker A: Nine GP, and then chunks of hail seem to appear in this, and so there's eight bludgeoning damage. If you made the save, you'll take four.
[00:26:49] Speaker B: Okay, I will take one hp.
[00:26:52] Speaker A: Drink your healing potion at the end of round three.
Damn great.
[00:26:59] Speaker C: Drink that healing potion. Is that a bonus action since I took it out last week?
[00:27:03] Speaker A: Since you used a bonus to pull it out, you can use a bonus to drink it. Yeah, we'll split out healing action drinkings in half.
[00:27:10] Speaker C: Oh, my God. That's nothing. Which is better than having one hp. So I'll take it. That's eight. So I basically just negated the second part of that attack. Great. You know what? Fireballs work. And how many people can I fireball that aren't my allies?
[00:27:25] Speaker A: You can fire the two Eladrin. You don't know where the queen is?
[00:27:29] Speaker C: I suspect that she's near Zerus. Can I attempt to, like, get the fireball near Zerus as well and just hope that I can hit her?
[00:27:36] Speaker A: Sure. You can get it as close to Zerus without going over as possible. That's price is right rules.
[00:27:41] Speaker C: Okay, yeah, I want to do that.
All right, that is 1213, 1418 plus 14 is 32.
[00:27:52] Speaker A: 32. Both Eladrin go down, and there's a puff. And the queen is smoking on the ground.
[00:27:59] Speaker C: Bitch.
[00:28:00] Speaker A: She had crossed the room to be over by the Eladrin. It didn't save her. In fact, it was worse. The room falls quiet as it is filled with ice sculptures of people frozen to death. As elarion calmly finishes writing, he then plucks the feather out of his hat and hands it to.
[00:28:23] Speaker B: I will drop my yeti form forever.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: He hands you the yeti feather.
[00:28:29] Speaker B: I think you mean phoenix feather.
[00:28:31] Speaker A: Yeah, sorry. He hands you the phoenix Yeti feather.
[00:28:36] Speaker D: I didn't know you had feathers.
[00:28:39] Speaker A: It's a comfortable.
[00:28:40] Speaker C: Like dinosaurs.
[00:28:42] Speaker A: He passes you the Phoenix feather and then slides the sheets of paper across the table to you.
[00:28:47] Speaker D: We all have to destroy this thing, right?
[00:28:49] Speaker B: These are the ones for us to destroy?
[00:28:51] Speaker A: Yep. He nods and gestures. Go ahead.
[00:28:54] Speaker B: All right, I will. I'll go and I'll wave other people over.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: I will.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: Before destroying it, read it.
[00:29:01] Speaker C: Make sure it's heal.
[00:29:03] Speaker B: Credence for 25 points.
[00:29:05] Speaker C: Oh, thank you.
[00:29:07] Speaker D: You're still hurt pretty bad, right?
[00:29:09] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I'm down to a third of my hit points.
[00:29:11] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm at about half now, so I feel okay.
[00:29:14] Speaker D: All right, you get twelve back zeroes.
[00:29:16] Speaker B: I will. I'll make sure. This is the contract.
[00:29:19] Speaker A: Yep, it is.
[00:29:20] Speaker B: Is it multiple paged?
[00:29:21] Speaker A: Yeah, it is. Ten pages.
[00:29:23] Speaker B: Great. Then I will. I will hand a mostly equivalent portion of pages to everyone and rip it up with them.
[00:29:30] Speaker C: I burn mine with sacred flame.
[00:29:33] Speaker D: Nah, sacred flame. I'll do sacred flame.
[00:29:35] Speaker B: I was just gonna toss the pieces in a pile and burn it there. Yeah, I'll make a little pile with mine.
[00:29:40] Speaker C: We're fancy magicians.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: Yeah. I'll get out my kindling. I'll get out my flint and steel.
[00:29:46] Speaker D: Yeah. You're holding a burning phoenix feather. Burn it with the phoenix feather.
[00:29:50] Speaker B: No, no, I got this. Give me just a second.
[00:29:55] Speaker C: You have, like, a stick and a piece of twine, and you're spinning it old school.
[00:30:05] Speaker A: A moment passes, and then in your minds, all three of you see the same thing. You see Mama and papa freikars age probably 70 in Astragar in their little home.
And there's just this one room that looks kind of like a kids room, but clearly hasn't been touched in decades. And there's a little shrine to the now dead like freikars. A little picture of him and some candles that have long since burnt down. And you realize that tucked under the pillow in the kid's bedroom is the book you're looking for. Left in the last place of its current host would feel most secure.
[00:30:46] Speaker D: What was like, up to with that shit?
[00:30:49] Speaker C: Yeah. Serious.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: Love it.
[00:30:51] Speaker D: Wow.
[00:30:52] Speaker C: Oh, are we the baddies, though? Like.
[00:31:04] Speaker A: In the moments before Lord Elarion begins his transcription. The magic censer thistledown, put in Zerus pocket, was relaying the plan to the base of the rebels in Ebert tucked in the tailor's shop. Behind us, a simple closed sign, are a few representatives of the merchants Guild of glamoured garb, upset by the drab population of dream elves that dominate the court and injure their business. The leader of the Star elven faction, unable to gather their power from the full view of the stars during the twilight, and Thistledown, the entertainer, guide, and professional.
They had intended to win the party over, an attempt to eliminate alary, and together. But the party didn't waste enough time for them to make contact, and they didn't open up about their intentions when they first came to town, so Thistledown wasn't waiting for them when they left the church. The party did, however, create the opening they needed for an attempted assassination by depriving Lord Laurian of his immortality. The rebels had to create a plan in a matter of minutes, and so it wasn't very sophisticated. The three leaders, capable of transportation magic, would slip through the castle defenses. Thistledown would lead the assault, targeting Ilarion, while the seamstress and the astrologer would attempt to eliminate as many dream elves as possible. Thistledown had learned that the queen had been hoping to usurp Ilarion's tiny throne, breaking the city away from eternal cycle and handing it to the queen of winter. He knew then that the onomancing queen and her two bodyguards would not defend Ellarion, and the humans had no particular allegiance to the Lord of Twilight. He was convenient. The hope was that with a sudden show of mystical force, the party and the queen would simply flee, allowing the three elves to stab Elrion to death as he frantically scribbled a new contract.
The remaining merchants would signal the uprising by closing their shops and sending word to the king of time eternal cycle to begin an assault. Not so bad as far as hasty plans go. The Fae arent ones to feel guilt or fear. But for the briefest of moments, Thistledown did wish he had won the party over. He only walked through town with them, but he could tell there were no pushovers and their alliance would have guaranteed success. But no risk, no gain.
[00:33:25] Speaker D: Yeah, that was kind of a crock there, man. We were not warned of imminent betrayal on his own side. That's why we hate the fairies.
[00:33:33] Speaker A: What can I say? You did zero recon.
[00:33:36] Speaker D: Roughly.
For all the thought that we put around that plan, we really didn't like feel out the situation.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: You went in with some negotiation that's it.
[00:33:49] Speaker C: Now we have to go to Lake Franker's old house and steal Vecna's book.
[00:33:54] Speaker A: So as you step out of the keep, the city seems colder than it was when you were here before. And part of what seems to be making that true is the winter Eladrin. Don't make eye contact with you. And standing in the middle of the town square is an elderly woman. She looks somewhat human, but she has a big sunflower draped in her bonnet, and she teeters towards you on a walking stick.
[00:34:25] Speaker C: Does Creedon recognize this person?
[00:34:28] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, you're pretty sure you do recognize this older woman.
[00:34:32] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:34:33] Speaker A: As she gets close, she says, excuse me, we need to talk. What do you say we get a bit of the local beverage and cuisine and have a seat in a little restaurant?
[00:34:46] Speaker C: I don't think I need to talk to you about anything.
[00:34:49] Speaker D: I don't think I want to eat or drink anything here.
[00:34:51] Speaker C: We're just on our way out.
[00:34:53] Speaker A: Well, you'll find that if you use the portals, you will arrive rather late. My estimate is 300 or so years.
[00:35:03] Speaker D: And you can help us with that problem.
[00:35:07] Speaker A: I can help you with a number of problems, but I'm actually not here to help you with a problem. I'm here to address a problem that you have created for me.
[00:35:19] Speaker B: That sounds like your problem.
[00:35:21] Speaker A: Well, it can be your problem in a polite way, or it can be your problem in an impolite way.
[00:35:27] Speaker B: Do I have to, like, ask you a certain question to get you to tell me what's going on here? Or you just, like, hearing yourself talk in circles? I don't understand.
[00:35:36] Speaker A: If you'd like to have the conversation in the middle of the square, that'll do just fine.
[00:35:40] Speaker C: Can I roll, like, a knowledge arcana or something to try to, like, understand?
Because I thought, like, the time dilation wasn't, like, we couldn't spend too long in here, but we haven't been in here that long yet. I know that we were supposed to be able to get back Arcana would.
[00:35:54] Speaker A: Be a great thing to roll for time dilation.
[00:35:57] Speaker C: Okay, there we go. That is an 18.
[00:35:59] Speaker A: So there is often time dilation. And there are ancient stories of people losing 1000 years. But generally speaking, all of the real world experience anybody has had and recorded is days, weeks, maybe at max. However, you do know with an 18 that really powerful fae who control large areas of land can control the time dilation in that space.
[00:36:25] Speaker C: And in this case, would I think that that is her, or would I think that that is.
[00:36:29] Speaker D: I'm gonna guess it's the gods that we just fuck over.
[00:36:33] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, probably. Oh, yeah. That would make perfect sense. Dang it. I didn't think about that.
Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of our actions.
[00:36:43] Speaker D: The fake can't lie. So she's saying the world beyond is 300 years later than when we came here. Then she's probably telling the truth. I don't know how she would stretch that.
[00:36:55] Speaker B: All right, all right. Wild idea. Just huddle for a second.
Do we care?
Like, okay, 300 years have passed. What? Vecna's taken over?
[00:37:11] Speaker C: Possibly stop him, and my boyfriend is dust. No. We have to get back.
[00:37:16] Speaker B: All right. Strong ties to the community. Got it.
[00:37:20] Speaker D: It is a hard thing to go back and find everyone you loved is dead.
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Anyone I could possibly love is right here.
[00:37:27] Speaker D: That's so sweet.
[00:37:28] Speaker C: But I do have a life outside of you, Zerus.
[00:37:34] Speaker B: All right. Apparently we care.
[00:37:38] Speaker C: Oh, I do not want to work with her again.
[00:37:40] Speaker D: But I will not deny Zuras. I am curious because we have had a certain thing with us the whole time we are here, and it has not been in the mortal realm. But I think we would benefit more from going back closer to the time that we left.
[00:37:57] Speaker B: Wait, wait, wait. What if taking it out of the mortal realm removes its power?
[00:38:03] Speaker D: Do not know. We do not know enough about it.
[00:38:06] Speaker B: All right. Anyway, keep on talking. I don't know. I don't like her.
[00:38:12] Speaker C: As we shouldn't. But I suppose we can at least listen to her.
[00:38:16] Speaker D: Boulain will come out of the huddle, and she says, I propose we go and sit somewhere discreet and talk about this. Although I do not wish to eat anything here.
[00:38:25] Speaker A: Well, suit yourself. But come this way. These people owe me a favor. She walks you into what appears to be a little cafe, and as she walks in, you see all of the winter Eladrin inside, stand up and walk out.
[00:38:39] Speaker C: They're giving us the cold shoulder.
[00:38:42] Speaker D: Yuck, yuck, yuck.
[00:38:45] Speaker A: A waitress, perhaps another winter Eladrin, walks up and sets a kettle of extremely cold tea down on the table with some glasses, nods to the elderly woman you're with, and walks out of the restaurant as well.
[00:39:02] Speaker B: That's good. I prefer to serve myself anyway, she says.
[00:39:05] Speaker D: So Gulain takes out her flask and swigs from it and offers it to Creden and Zuras.
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Creedens gonna skip it this time, too.
[00:39:13] Speaker A: Let me tell you a little story that might explain why I'm here in some detail. Once upon a time, there was a world like the one you're in with a fair amount of magic, but people hadn't yet learned how to train, truly wield it. Sure, they could shoot off some fire or some cold or some lightning, but really, the, the power was not well harnessed. And along came a man, immortal, even named Dairn.
Now, Dairn was a clever lad and discovered that you could take mundane objects and add magic to them permanently. He invented the process of enchantment, and with it came some very famous magical items. His specialization was extradimensional spaces, a sort of pocket within a pocket, if you will. Quite ingenious. And as all mortals, Dairn died. However, every wizard that came after him wished to be like him. Every wizard, for generation upon generation, wanted to replicate the activities, the ingenuity of Dan, every wizard whose household name you have ever learned, Bigby, Mordecai, Nystl, Tasha, all of these were essentially supplicants, acolytes to dairn. And every time they wanted to be like him, every time they created a new spell, they passed a little prayer from their lips, and in time, they created a God. Now here's the trouble. As time progressed, Dan began to realize that magic has a limitation. It has a point at which the invention becomes quite rare.
Most people are quite happy with traditional magic, fireball invisibility. They don't need a green fireball, per se. And so Dan saw the writing on the wall. Every year, fewer prayers and whispers. Everyone began to forget his name. And when a warlord priest arrived and promised Dan that they would create order amongst the gods, Dan knew that this was going to be the winning side. There was no other option. And so he came and got a certain fairy goddess, a goddess of curses and hexes. And Dan and this goddess of curses wove the greatest curse that ever touched the mortal realm.
You see, whenever someone put a name in a particular book, all of Dan's divine power in a tiny, tiny orb, sealed away from him and everyone else would slowly degrade the memory of everyone on that plane of existence for the names written in the book. And this was a delightful, wondrous, even development. Daern got to keep a job of sorts, stay on the mortal realm of sorts. But as he is not a God, was not in conflict with the new world order. And this fairy goddess of curses didn't have to worry about the curse because they were only going to be powerful in the fairy wild. And then some, shall we say, foolish mortals, gathered these two cursed objects, these two items of such power that they shook the foundations of the heavens and took them through a gate from the mortal realm to the fairy realm. And would you know it, all of the fairy kings and queens and gods and goddesses, with the exception of two.
[00:43:31] Speaker C: Are already written in the book.
[00:43:33] Speaker A: And so a pulse of magic power, the anger, the righteousness of a God rolled across the entire land of the fairy realm like a tiny little earthquake. And every fairy in all of fairyland forgot just a little bit. Every name that was ever important. Now, that's not so bad. I mean, they'll remember when they see their faces. Of course, after a couple days of this, they and you, my dearest friends, are 100% responsible.
[00:44:10] Speaker C: Man, that's a lot of information.
[00:44:12] Speaker D: Do you know what has happened in.
[00:44:15] Speaker A: The mortal realm at the moment? Everything. And nothing. So, something else you may not be aware of is this book diminishes the power of all of the competition of the two gods who aren't written in it. And so they are delighted that you have come to visit and brought such a wonderful toy along. So delighted, in fact, that they've made it virtually impossible for you to go back home without making some kind of deal with them. For example, the time dilation on the portals in town have been stretched to about 300 years, enough time to probably destroy the empire and everyone in it.
[00:44:57] Speaker D: Boulain trades a look with Creden and Zurus and says, can we add names to the book?
[00:45:03] Speaker A: Let's not discuss it here. But, yeah, my name's already in it, which makes this not much of a threat to me, so I'll let you know. Yes, you can. You can add whatever name to the damn thing you want. It is the most powerful curse I have ever crafted in my lifespan, and my lifespan is older than the world you're in.
This brings me to a second issue. One of you is trying to create a God, and I do not believe that is in your best interest.
[00:45:31] Speaker B: I suspiciously eyeball Creden.
[00:45:36] Speaker D: Vlain is eyeballing.
[00:45:37] Speaker C: Creden Creed's just like, what?
[00:45:42] Speaker D: Cause the way Zerus has been talking, she's pretty sure it's not him.
[00:45:47] Speaker C: Maybe he's creating a God of hating gods.
[00:45:50] Speaker A: He is, actually. Funny you should mention that. Across to the realm, there's always this sort of floating bit of divine power. Anybody can really tap into it. But to make it truly powerful, one must create a kind of loop. You see? Worship to the gods. The gods therefore refine the magic and hand it back to the mortals. The ability to do high level magics requires a God. Without it, there is very little divine magic. Now, someone in this little party is channelling unrefined divine power, which, let's just say, if they became popular, like, say they were known throughout the land as the great dragon slayer. Or perhaps they took on a rather compelling ideology separate from the ten gods. Like, perhaps slaying them all, overthrowing their rule, or. Well, that is the recipe. The very recipe for creating a new God.
[00:46:51] Speaker D: Maam. What are you proposing?
[00:46:53] Speaker A: I need that damn book out of this realm, and I need it out of here immediately, which means you all have a job to do. And that job is to convince the God of time. The one creature powerful enough to roll it back and forward to see a million upon a million futures. The one entity who can keep you here or bypass every fairylord he wants to. To send you back home. What does he want? Give it to him and get the fuck out of my house.
[00:47:23] Speaker D: It seems to me that if what you want is for the book to be gone, it behooves you to come to an agreement with eternal cycle to get us back to our realm in the time that we want to get there. And then we will take the book with us when we go.
[00:47:38] Speaker A: You drive a difficult bargain. You believe you have some leverage? That I am the goddess of curses and hexes? The fact that you still walk upright and haven't been turned into a damn toad is because I happen to believe in the value of your work. We belong to the same organization, after all, a group of God wranglers from the moral realm. So I don't think I need to make my threats more elaborate.
[00:48:06] Speaker C: Why are all of the Eladrins so against us now?
[00:48:11] Speaker D: Mmm.
[00:48:11] Speaker A: You tipped the balance. You destroyed both the rebellion and the moderating forces that opposed him.
[00:48:18] Speaker D: Word travels fast.
[00:48:20] Speaker B: Well, I picked the wrong time to attack. Really?
[00:48:22] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:48:23] Speaker A: Well, you did push the button.
[00:48:25] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:48:26] Speaker A: I should state that I have no stake in some tiny lordling's rebellion against the God of time. You can do whatever you want with him. For him. Whatever.
[00:48:38] Speaker D: Does the fairy portal fall within the lordlings?
[00:48:42] Speaker A: It does, yes. Although I will state that it is only by technicality that the lordling has jurisdiction. The true jurisdiction does in fact, belong to the Lord of time, for both this location and those portals. Well, I've given you a lot of information, and I typically charge for such things, but today is your terrifically unlucky day. You can't unknow what I have given you. And may it plague you for the rest of your days as a true curse. Should she sort of stands up and takes her little cane and says, with that, I will depart. If you are still here in 24 hours, I will come get my book. And she starts to walk out the door.
[00:49:26] Speaker C: Creiden sticks her tongue out.
[00:49:30] Speaker B: I'm just gonna enjoy having the room to myself.
[00:49:33] Speaker D: Boulain sits back and sighs.
[00:49:36] Speaker C: Okay. I do remember that eternals cycle wanted us to understand how Lord Larian had broken the cycle. I'm trying to recall. Did we figure out that? Was it something to do with the Phoenix contract? Or did we just forget that part.
[00:49:52] Speaker D: Of our task originally, you didn't negotiate.
[00:49:54] Speaker A: Any benefit for solving that part of the task, and so it really wasn't an agreement. You just knew that that irritated you.
[00:50:02] Speaker C: Okay, well, we may be going back because we at least know that eternal cycle. They want that information.
[00:50:11] Speaker B: This feels like it has a trivial answer. We have a book that nobody wants to be in. And if we put someone's name in the book and the best way to have that lose its powers for us to leave.
[00:50:26] Speaker D: So we put eternal knowledge and eternal cycles names in the book. And if they agree to unwarp the time differential or whatever it is, then we will leave and take their names in the book with us.
[00:50:40] Speaker B: I mean, that seems like decent leverage and sounds like a good trade for them.
[00:50:46] Speaker D: It does. While we have this room to ourselves, how far are we looking to exert that leverage? And I do not mean just here and with these two.
[00:51:04] Speaker B: I'm interested. What do you have in mind?
[00:51:05] Speaker D: I am worried what you have in mind, actually.
[00:51:09] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:51:09] Speaker D: It's true.
[00:51:10] Speaker C: This book is incredibly powerful. We should make sure that we don't misuse it.
[00:51:16] Speaker B: My goal is to make sure the book is not needed.
[00:51:19] Speaker D: I just. I think we need to have a care for the long game consequences of the things we do now.
Currently, we are worried about a vestigial death God who wants to overthrow the existing death God. And I will not try to claim I have no bias here, because she is the God I serve. But we have a God of secrets, who is a champion of the undead and likely wants to sweep the world in a population of the undead, versus a God who has never done much other than her duty in escorting her souls. If we take to upending the current pantheon with the power available to us with this book, I think we need to consider that any God who is eliminated from the world is going to be replaced.
[00:52:22] Speaker B: So are you saying that our current work is superfluous? No, because we currently seek to remove a vestigial God. And any God that's destroyed will be replaced by your own logic, right?
[00:52:40] Speaker D: I'm saying just because belief in a God is removed from the world, people will form something else to replace it.
And there are beings in line to take up that job.
[00:52:57] Speaker B: So you're saying we need to destroy the divine source that she was talking about?
[00:53:00] Speaker D: I am saying that if we are talking about diminishing the current gods, we need to think about the consequences of that in terms of the beings that are likely already in existence who will try to replace them. Are they better? Because they are inevitable.
[00:53:17] Speaker C: At least they would be less powerful in the short term.
[00:53:19] Speaker D: In the short term. But they will gain traction. It is like I said, people believe because they can. And they will not stop believing in something just because you take away the name of one thing that has prevailed.
[00:53:32] Speaker B: Well, that's why on the other side, on the more diplomatic side, I'm telling people to stop to believe in themselves and to not seek outside divine powers to help them.
[00:53:46] Speaker D: And I think there are a lot of people who will listen to you, Zerris. And I think there are more people who will not.
[00:53:54] Speaker B: All right, so let's get to brass tacks. What's your point?
[00:53:58] Speaker D: We should not do anything rash.
[00:54:00] Speaker B: Sure, if you got a different situation, if you want to go hear eternal cycle out, sure. But I am really not for playing their games.
[00:54:10] Speaker D: I think the best leverage we have in this moment is to put their names in this book and talk our way out of here using that. But I think they are going to probably require us to remove their names from the book once we get back to the more realm. And I think we need to be open to that.
[00:54:26] Speaker B: I'm good with a status quo.
[00:54:28] Speaker C: Do we even know if names can be removed from the book?
[00:54:31] Speaker B: No, just write it in pencil and we'll tell them. We'll try.
[00:54:36] Speaker C: Can I knowledge Arkada this?
[00:54:40] Speaker A: That's a good question. Sure, try it.
[00:54:43] Speaker C: Hi DC. Maybe guidance me?
[00:54:46] Speaker D: Yes, guy, I will guidance you.
[00:54:49] Speaker C: Oh, now I rolled up three.
[00:54:53] Speaker D: No idea.
[00:54:54] Speaker C: But a four for the guidance and then another plus four. So that's eleven. Yes, it's eleven. That's enough, right?
[00:55:02] Speaker D: No.
Well, there is also this implication, based on the conversation we just had, that our being in the fairy realm with the book is a problem to the face. So once we are back in the mortal realm, it may not be a problem for eternal knowledge and eternal cycle anymore. Even if their names stay in the book, they are not mortal gods after all. They are fae gods.
[00:55:25] Speaker C: They are still present there though. And they are known.
[00:55:29] Speaker D: Their names have been known. I do not know how much of a difference it would make to them to eventually be lost to the mortal realm? Theres already a pretty strong effort underway to erase them from the mortal realm without this book.
[00:55:42] Speaker C: All the more reason that they may not want to give it up.
[00:55:44] Speaker D: True, but I suspect that our removing the book with their names in it from the fairy realm is going to be their chief concern.
[00:55:52] Speaker B: That's the hope.
[00:55:53] Speaker D: So is that what we want to do?
[00:55:55] Speaker B: I'll leave it up to Creedon, but that's my plan.
[00:55:57] Speaker C: If they're playing dirty trying to keep us here, we can play dirty trying.
[00:56:00] Speaker D: To get back which of us does the deed.
[00:56:03] Speaker B: I mean, if you're worried about it, give me the pen.
[00:56:06] Speaker D: I mean, if one of you puts their names down in common, I can write their names in Elvish.
[00:56:10] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:56:11] Speaker C: I would. I would write it.
[00:56:12] Speaker B: What was that, Creedon?
[00:56:13] Speaker C: I said I would be willing to write them.
[00:56:15] Speaker D: All right, we should do it.
[00:56:17] Speaker B: All of us. All right.
[00:56:18] Speaker A: Who's going first?
[00:56:20] Speaker D: Something about the.
[00:56:21] Speaker C: I want to go first.
[00:56:21] Speaker D: We're going to get a tap.
[00:56:23] Speaker B: Oh, all right. All right.
[00:56:24] Speaker A: Creedon, you approach the book with the intent to write a name in it. The book shivers and rolls open to the last page which has a couple names above it and a nice big blank spot.
[00:56:37] Speaker C: What does happen if we can't undo this and have no leverage at all to return home? Should we maybe start with knowledge and see, maybe with eternal cycle showing that we're willing to do it, but, you know, not accidentally messing up our opportunity?
[00:56:55] Speaker D: I think once we enter that temple we're going to be at their mercy if they are not both in the book. All right, Zurus, would you disagree with that? They have power there.
[00:57:05] Speaker B: They do. They have power a lot of places, though. I'm for whatever Creed wants to do. I've said my piece.
[00:57:11] Speaker C: Is this some kind of true name thing? Like, is there. Is their name actually eternal knowledge? I guess it's worth a try. Graden will write down eternal knowledge in common and see what happens.
[00:57:21] Speaker A: Okay, roll me a wisdom saving throw.
[00:57:23] Speaker C: Oh, no, actually we're gonna make it.
[00:57:24] Speaker A: A charisma saving throw.
[00:57:25] Speaker C: Way better. Okay, that's looking pretty good. Charisma saving throw. A 25.
[00:57:31] Speaker A: Nice. You feel an incredible amount of magic. It interplays with your mind and the book for several moments. As you're writing the name, you forget the name, but your hand seems to remember and it finishes out. Your saving throw is sufficient that by the time you're done writing the name, you still know it, but you don't think you're going to know it tomorrow or the day after.
[00:57:55] Speaker C: Okay, good. So we also won't forget that we.
[00:57:57] Speaker D: Can go and negotiate after this, that we need to.
[00:58:02] Speaker C: I think after she writes the first name, she'll look behind her at Boulain and Zerus and say, do you feel it?
[00:58:08] Speaker D: Do we feel anything?
[00:58:09] Speaker A: Roll me. Charisma saving throws.
[00:58:12] Speaker B: If you're next to me, you get a bonus.
[00:58:15] Speaker D: It's an advantage because my first roll was shitty.
[00:58:17] Speaker A: It is not advantage. It's a bonus equal to his charisma modifier, I believe.
[00:58:21] Speaker C: Does that only work if you're also rolling for it?
[00:58:24] Speaker A: No.
[00:58:24] Speaker C: Okay, so I probably could have used that as well.
I mean, I imagine we aren't a 25.
[00:58:30] Speaker D: You're fine.
[00:58:30] Speaker C: Yeah, but it could have been higher.
I want to make this book my bitch.
[00:58:35] Speaker D: So I got a 13.
[00:58:36] Speaker B: According to my sheet, that's a 19.
[00:58:39] Speaker A: So with a 13, boulain, you knew there were two gods here. You remember eternal cycle, but just on the tip of it, it's eternal something.
It's just like it's gone. Zerus, you can recall it. It got noticeably harder.
[00:58:54] Speaker D: We have to go negotiate with eternal cycle and eternal. And she goes. Her eyes go wide. She goes, eternal.
[00:59:01] Speaker C: That one doesn't matter.
[00:59:02] Speaker D: Scholarship law.
[00:59:04] Speaker C: I mean, should I do the next one, or is somebody else excited to. Well, I rolled a two, so that's a 15.
[00:59:13] Speaker A: By the time you were done writing the book, you've forgotten the name?
[00:59:16] Speaker C: Uh oh.
[00:59:17] Speaker A: The lore, everything about it.
[00:59:19] Speaker D: All right, I'm gonna try to try mine here.
[00:59:23] Speaker C: I look back, confused. I'm like, was there another one I was supposed to do?
[00:59:26] Speaker D: Twelve?
[00:59:27] Speaker A: You look down at the book, it's written right there. Oh, in your penmanship, you definitely wrote it.
[00:59:32] Speaker D: I got a 16.
[00:59:33] Speaker A: Is that high enough you can still remember that one?
[00:59:35] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:59:36] Speaker C: Oh, I just missed it.
[00:59:37] Speaker A: But you really don't think you're gonna remember it tomorrow.
[00:59:40] Speaker B: Okay, 23.
[00:59:42] Speaker A: Yeah, Zerus, you got it.
[00:59:43] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:59:44] Speaker A: It occurs to you you might want to write these things down. Yeah, I think boulain, they're just so slippery.
[00:59:48] Speaker D: Now, Boulain pulls out a pen, and she writes eternal cycle on her hand, and then hands it to Creedon and says, can you write the other one on my hand?
[00:59:58] Speaker C: I'll write eternal knowledge. Then I'll be like, all right, we're done, right?
She goes, wait, wait, wait, wait.
[01:00:05] Speaker D: Zirush, do you remember them both?
[01:00:07] Speaker B: Yes.
[01:00:08] Speaker D: Creeden.
[01:00:10] Speaker C: She checks her notes.
The time one is really.
[01:00:17] Speaker D: She writes eternal cycle on credence hand and then checks her own hand and writes eternal knowledge on Creedon's hand.
[01:00:24] Speaker A: What next?
[01:00:25] Speaker D: Well, I guess we have to go try to negotiate with them now.
[01:00:28] Speaker C: I think you may need to take the lead on this one. One of you two.
[01:00:31] Speaker D: I, uh. I don't. I think I nominate zurus on this one.
[01:00:35] Speaker C: Where's this temple?
[01:00:38] Speaker D: What are we doing?
It's really nice here. Constant twilight. It's so pretty.
[01:00:44] Speaker B: Let's talk about one more thing. We have in our possession obnoxiously powerful artifacts that we've just used to warp reality. At this point, I have to ask. Do we want to split the party?
[01:00:58] Speaker D: Do you want somebody to stay outside the temple with the book? Is that what you were suggesting?
[01:01:03] Speaker B: Or to somebody's. Maybe next to a portal.
[01:01:07] Speaker D: I think that is probably not a bad idea in this case. Because taking the book into the temple will put us at risk. Because they could destroy all of us in the book altogether.
[01:01:18] Speaker C: Can't even recall this one. So maybe I should stay near the portal.
[01:01:22] Speaker D: I also am missing the knowledge of.
[01:01:24] Speaker C: One of these things.
[01:01:26] Speaker D: So.
Are you all right doing this, Cyrus? Yep.
[01:01:30] Speaker B: I'll see you when I see you.
[01:01:31] Speaker D: Okay.
[01:01:33] Speaker C: Does Creedon feel any different having done this dark deed?
[01:01:37] Speaker A: I mean, you do feel different. You've lost a piece of your mind.
[01:01:41] Speaker C: It's pretty spooky.
[01:01:42] Speaker B: This is noble.
[01:01:43] Speaker C: It's. I mean, yeah, but it's kind of creepy. This is a messed up thing to do.
[01:01:49] Speaker D: We're talking about taking away people's beliefs without their consent.
[01:01:53] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:01:54] Speaker D: Telepathy has an unlimited range, it says. All right, well, Zerus and I now have a telepathic link so we can share thoughts and impressions.
[01:02:02] Speaker A: Okay, Zerus, you head into the temple.
[01:02:04] Speaker D: And we are hanging out by the portal.
[01:02:05] Speaker C: This is gonna be dramatic.
[01:02:06] Speaker B: You walk down to the portal and head to the temple.
[01:02:09] Speaker C: I'm excited.
[01:02:11] Speaker A: You walk into the temple.
[01:02:13] Speaker D: Don't fuck it up.
[01:02:16] Speaker A: Several people from the mortal realm are here. They look like pilgrims. They look up at you, they nod. And again. There's a winter eladrin seated in the throne. And when you walk up, his eyes shift color.
You already did it.
[01:02:32] Speaker B: That's true. Somebody pointed out my mistake, so fixed it. So we want to leave. You want us to leave? You let us go back proper. No problems.
[01:02:42] Speaker A: Zerus, you have made yourself an enemy of the gods.
[01:02:46] Speaker B: Hmm.
No. The gods made me their enemy.
[01:02:52] Speaker A: I see what we have come to now. The. The guys eyes flash another color and his voice changes slightly. I am willing to negotiate the removal of the temporal anomaly that I have put into effect to allow you to leave.
[01:03:06] Speaker B: Try me.
[01:03:07] Speaker A: I can send you back to a time of your choosing if you leave the realm immediately and never return.
[01:03:16] Speaker D: She thinks to him, that is a dangerous thing to agree to.
[01:03:21] Speaker B: Mental image. You have a book, and you go back before the book was left and you have another book. We go back into the temple and get the book again.
[01:03:33] Speaker C: Oh, gosh. Time paradoxes.
Oh, no.
[01:03:37] Speaker D: And then we do not need to come here because we have the information that we need.
[01:03:41] Speaker B: And then we have one book for the fairy realm and one book for the mortal realm. And then all gods can be forgotten.
[01:03:48] Speaker C: Oh, your holy crusade to wipe them out on every plane.
[01:03:57] Speaker B: All right, what's your idea?
[01:03:59] Speaker D: I strongly encourage you not to agree to never enter the fairy realm again.
[01:04:03] Speaker C: Yeah, it's kind of pretty here.
[01:04:05] Speaker B: Why?
[01:04:06] Speaker D: Because we never know the circumstances in which we might be sent back, possibly against our will.
[01:04:13] Speaker C: That's a good point.
[01:04:14] Speaker D: Say someone decided to teleport us into Fae, and we have agreed to never come back to Faye. It does not matter that we did it against our will. We came back to Faye.
[01:04:23] Speaker B: You make some interesting points. I will modify it slightly, but I.
[01:04:27] Speaker D: Think it is in our best interest to go back to the time that we left.
[01:04:33] Speaker B: All right, we'll do that.
[01:04:34] Speaker D: And make sure he includes all of us, not just you, and all of.
[01:04:37] Speaker C: Our items on our person.
[01:04:39] Speaker D: And by immediately, we do not mean in a split second, because we are going to wait for you to get back and we are going to get through the portal. These are things you have to work out with them.
[01:04:47] Speaker C: Ironclad contract.
[01:04:50] Speaker D: This is why the Fae are tedious, man. It is so tedious.
[01:04:54] Speaker B: It can't be.
[01:04:55] Speaker C: They need all that slowed time.
I did kind of want to go buy an outfit, but I I don't know if they'd even sell it to me. I think we can skip.
[01:05:02] Speaker D: We we can skip it.
[01:05:02] Speaker C: I don't think they'll even won my business.
[01:05:05] Speaker B: Yeah, we're, we're out on expanding the wardrobe. Here's the deal. My body will never grace this plane again willingly. I will leave without further delay, as quickly as I can.
And in exchange, you let us return with the possessions we came with and the possessions we obtained at the moment.
[01:05:25] Speaker A: We left roaming history. Zerus.
Twelve. You're pretty sure you've gotten a fairly ironclad set of rules in place here.
Your actions have cost me a great deal, Sirus. I will agree to these terms, but I do not consider us even.
[01:05:47] Speaker B: Oh, no, there's definitely still a score to settle.
[01:05:51] Speaker D: Stop talking.
[01:06:05] Speaker A: And that is the show today. Special thanks to Todd Ferguson, my pet machine for our tunes. Juliet. Elaborate flight of fancy for our logo. Links to both of them in our show notes. With that what is waiting for our heroes back in the mortal realm? Find out next time on carrots and suffering, a D and D odyssey.
